Lempi took a job with Odovero Construction to paint lines on M28. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed.The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet.The boss sat him down and said,” Lempi, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?”.Lempi replied, “Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can”.
Author: admin
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer?A: There’s white-out on the screen.
There were two blondes at the park…
There were two blondes at the park.
One says, “Look at that dead seagull over there.”
And the other looks up and says, “Where?”
La hija de 12 a�os
La hija de 12 a�os se da cuenta de que le hab�a llegado su primera menstruaci�n. Sin saber de qu� se trata, se va corriendo en busca de su madre:
“�Mam�, acomp��ame al ba�o, es urgente!”
Sin darle importancia, la madre no la toma mucho en cuenta:
“Estoy demasiado ocupada, ve donde tu padre”.
La ni�a sale corriendo donde el padre y le repite lo mismo:
“�Pap� acomp��ame urgente al ba�o!”
El padre tampoco le hace caso:
“Esp�rame un momento, porque estoy leyendo el diario”.
La chiquilla, sin otra soluci�n, se va al ba�o. Se levanta la falda y ve sus partes llenas de sangre; en eso, entra al ba�o su hermano de 8 a�os y al ver esta situaci�n corre sorprendido donde su padre:
“�Pap�, pap�, la Mar�a se cort� el pene!”
More pearls of wisdom
Quotes:1. Screwing up takes practice. I think I’m well rehearsed2. Life’s a bitch. Deal with it3. (Actual refrigerator magnet): Genitorturers homogenized my honor student4. Life is hard compared to what?!5. Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes6. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it7. He who thinks he can fly ends up with cracked skull8. He who goes to sleep with itchy butt wakes up with smelly fingers9. One of the top signs that Y2K hype has gone too far is that millions are converting to Judaism so the year is 576010. The Chinese calendar is 2000 years younger than the Jewish calendar. So that means the Jews had to go 2000 years without Chinese food.
Pumpkin
Is that your head or did someone plant a pumpkin on your neck?
My Dad’s better…
Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, “My daddy is so cool he can eat four burgers at one meal.”
The second one says, “That’s nothing, my daddy can eat six.”
Little Johnny starts laughing and says, “My daddy can eat light bulbs.”
The other two boys tell Johnny that he is out of his mind.
They ask him why he thinks his daddy can eat light bulbs.
Little Johnny replies, “Last night, I was passing my parent’s room and my daddy said, ‘Honey, turn out that light, I want to eat that thing.'”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Men are like…..placemats
Men are like…..Placemats. They only show up when there’s food on the table.
D.N.A.
Q: What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.
Mom’s Basement
You’ve reached my mom’s basement, where I continue to live, despite the fact that I am in my mid-40’s.
I have no life.
[BEEP]A journey of a thousand
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
Just the Pants!
This Poor Innocent Guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can’t make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn’t want to cancel the date, because he’s afraid he won’t ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30-minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again during the entrees. They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesn’t want to look like a complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas came with another little surprise. “Oh crap,” he thinks (and feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise.He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap. “Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last week?” he asks. “No problem, I’d like to look around too,” she replies. They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men’s fashions are on the right, women’s fashions are on the left. They split up.Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn’t see him buying the pants. He doesn’t even want the sweater, so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away) “Just the pants.” “What?” asks the Gap girl. “Just the pants!” (Eyes still trained on his date.) Gap girl: “Oh, OK.” He pays for the pants and walks over to his date, then they leave the store. They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out…just the sweater.