Mother bear was showing little bear around the forest
so little bear saw 2 people having fun”what are they doing?” he
asked mother bear said”there baking cake” then he passed by
another couple”what are thaey doing?” he asked again. mother
bear said”They are also baking cake.” so the mother and little
bear went home and went to bed..they woke up and mother and
little bear was eating breakfest”mom I know you and dad was
baking caks yesterday” little bear said.”how do you know?”mother
bear asked. ..”Because I licked the icing off the bed.”..LOL
Author: admin
W
Q: What do you call a chili-dog with no chili?
A: Kyle Hejna
Eran dos amigos, Pepe y
Eran dos amigos, Pepe y Ra�l, que estaban acostados sobre la hierba en la plaza. Los dos no ten�an dinero ni manera de conseguirlo. Pepe le dice a Ra�l:
“Si trajeras $20 pesos, te daba mis nalgas”.
“No, no traigo ni un cinco”.
“Bueno, si quieres me puedes pagar hasta la otra semana”, propone Pepe.
Best Praying
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
“Kneeling is definitely best,” claimed one.
“No,” another contended. “I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven.”
“You’re both wrong,” the third insisted. “The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor.”
The repairman could contain himself no longer. “Hey, fellas, ” he interrupted, “the best prayin’ I ever did was hangin’ upside down from a telephone pole.”
The Football Exam
Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they
would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the
following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old
MacDonald had a _________.”
Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this
one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he
tapped Tiny on the shoulder. “Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last
question?”
Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then
he turned to Bubba. “Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a
farm.”
“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.” He picked up his No. 2 pencil and
started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny’s
shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”
“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.”
Alligator Shoes
One day a blonde lady went to a local Florida Department Store to buy a pair of alligator shoes. As she was looking at a very nice pair of shoes she noticed the very expensive price. She didn’t have enough to pay for the shoes, and she was outraged. She marched right up to the counter and told the clerk exactly what she thought of him.She left very angrily, but on her way out she made a comment to the clerk and in that comment she said,”With prices like these I should just go out buy me a gun and kill my own alligators.”the clerk replied very sarcastically,”Good Luck!”The clerk went on with his day not even thinking about the lady that came in early. As he was locking up to go home at the end of the day something caught his eye. There in the swamp was the lady waist deep with a gun in her hand. At that moment something else caught his eye, off to the left about 25 yards away was an alligator swimming right towards her.The man started jumping up and down screaming at her trying to get her attention. She turned seen the alligator took aim and shot.She drug it to shore where there was about eight other alligators laying dead on their backs.Then she flipped it over too and said,”damn this one is not wearing shoes either.”
Kicking In the Fence
Up in heaven there is a white picket fence. On one side stood GOD on the other
side stood Satan and a few of his henchmen.
The devils helpers were kicking holes in the fence.
GOD said “if you don’t tell them to stop, I’ll sue you”.
Satan started laughing and replied “You think you’ll find a lawyer on your
side of the fence”?
Basketball
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Crazy guys
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”
Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”
Your mama is so fat
your mama is so fat when she jumped in the air she got stuk
The Elephant Experim
Three scientists were talking one day when one of them asked if there had ever been an experiment carried out to determine the effect of blocking off an elephants rectum for an extended period of time. They discovered that it had never been tried and so they resolved to try it themselves.They got an elephant and inserted a huge plug into it’s arse and let the elephant go about it’s daily business of eating 500 pounds of greenstuff a day.After a couple of days, it occurred to the scientists that someone was going to have to remove the plug from the elephants arse. None of them were prepared to do it so they got themselves a monkey and trained it to remove the plug when it heard a particular bell sound.` . Come the day of the end of the experiment when the plug was finally to be removed, they set themselves up at respectable distances from the monkey and elephant – 1 scientist was 50 yards away, 1 was 500 yards away and the third was a mile away. All had recording equipment etc set up to record the event. One had a button to press to sound the bell and prompt the monkey to remove the plug from the elephant’s arse.The button was pressed, the bell sounded and there was this god-almighty explosion.The scientist at 1 mile from the elephant was splattered with shit and he raced up to the scientist 500 yards from the elephant. He too was covered in shit.They both raced up to the scientist who had set himself up 50 yards from the elephant to find him up to his neck in shit, covered in scratches and bruises and with a couple of broken bones in his arms and legs. He was also pissing himself laughing. One of his colleagues commented on all the injuries he had sustained and asked why was he laughing so much.”The bell sounded, the monkey pulled the plug and I was injured when the blast threw me backwards away from my position.”, he said.”But why were you laughing so much?”, his colleagues asked again.”You’d be laughing too if you could have seen the expression on the monkey’s face as he tried to put the plug back in.”
Con el fin de que
Con el fin de que los ni�os reflexionen, el profesor les cuenta a sus alumnos una historia conmovedora:
“Hace pocos d�as, un carro atropell� a un ni�o de esta escuela en su bicicleta nueva, por desobediente, y por poco y lo mata”.
Se hace un profundo silencio en el sal�n de clases, y luego el m�s atento pregunta:
“�Y qu� pas� con la bicicleta?”