Don’t Hate me because i’m beatiful
Hate me because because Your Boyfriend thinks so
Dont’ call me the princess dont call me the queen just call me
the cuttest gurl u have ever seen
from Sally(real name)
Author: admin
Cold
It was so cold this morning that I even saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Yisman
We are ready for an unforeseen event that…
We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
– Dan Quayle, Former U.S. Vice-President
Paradox of Woman
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman.
If you don’t, you are not a man.
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying.
If you don’t, you are good for nothing.
If you agree to all her likes, she is abused.
If you don’t, you are not understanding.
If you make romance, you are an ‘experienced man’.
If you don’t, you are half a man.
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring.
If you don’t, she accuses you of double crossing.
If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy.
If you aren’t, you are a dull boy.
If you are jealous, she says it’s bad.
If you aren’t, she thinks you do not love her.
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her.
If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her.
If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait.
If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s way.
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel.
If she is visited by another, ‘oh it’s natural, we are girls’.
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold.
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics.
If you do, she thinks it’s just one of the man’s tactics.
If you stare at others, she accuses you of flirting.
If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
If you talk, she wants you to listen.
If you listen, she wants you to talk.
“On the surface, it appears
“On the surface, it appears that very little is happening…
but underneath, NOTHING is happening.”
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
6 Pack of Ping Pong Balls
Johnny was about to turn 14 and his father didn’t know what to
buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny “What do you want for
your birthday, Son?”
Johnny replied “Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.”
Johnny’s father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a skateboard instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said “Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 15 and his father didn’t know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny “What do you
want for your birthday, Son?”
Johnny replied “Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.”
Johnny’s father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a bike instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said “Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 16 and his father didn’t know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny “What do you
want for your birthday, Son?”
Johnny replied “Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.”
Johnny’s father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a pair of rollerblades instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said “Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 17 and his father didn’t know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny “What do you
want for your birthday, Son?”
Johnny replied “Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.”
Johnny’s father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a laptop instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said “Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 18 and his father didn’t know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny “What do you
want for your birthday, Son?”
Johnny replied “Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.”
Johnny’s father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny a 9 pack of ping pong balls instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said “Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 19 and his father didn’t know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny “What do you
want for your birthday, Son?”
Johnny replied “Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.”
Johnny’s father was rather bemused by this, but nonetheless he
searched hard for a 6 pack of ping pong balls, but did not find
one. He bought Johnny an atlas instead.
When Johnny opened his present, he said “Well Dad, this is
really great (actually, it really, really sucks), but I would
really have liked a 6 pack of ping pong balls.
Next year Johnny was about to turn 20 and his father didn’t know
what to buy him for his birthday. He asked Johnny “What do you
want for your birthday, Son?”
Johnny replied “Well Dad, I would really like a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.”
Johnny’s father thought Johnny was getting a little bit old for
a 6 pack of ping pong balls, so he didn’t bother searching.
Instead, he bought Johnny a car.
When Johnny opened his present, he said “Well Dad, this is
really great, but I would really have liked a 6 pack of ping
pong balls.
Johnny was driving his car one day when he had a terrible car
accident. In hospital, he said to his father “Dad, I do not have
much longer to live, so you can ask me one question.”
Johnny’s father thought for a moment and then said “Why did you
want a six pack of ping pong balls?”
Johnny replied “Well Dad, I wanted the 6 pack of ping pong balls
because ………….. “
Then he died.
The Classic Man Joke
Q:Why do men stand in front of the mirror naked?
A:Because objects appear larger than they really are.
Help Desk
1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key”
to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking
where the “Any” key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that
her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover
turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later, a letter arrived from the customer
along with photocopies of the floppies.
4. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled
floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked
the tech to hold on and was heard putting the phone down, getting
up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
5. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer
to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in
front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.
7. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was “bad and an invalid.” the
tech explained that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid’ responses
shouldn’t be taken personally.
8. An IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support.
“I put in the first disk and that was OK. It said to put in the second
disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in
the third disk, I couldn’t fit it in…” The user hadn’t realized that
“Insert Disk 2” meant to remove Disk 1 first.
Contagious
A teacher asks her class to use the word contagious. Roland, the class swot, gets up and says, ‘Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious.”Well done Roland,’ says the teacher. ‘Can anyone else try?’Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails says, ‘My Gran says there’s a bug going round and it’s contagious.”Well done, Katie,’ says the teacher. ‘Anyone else?’Little Johnny jumps up and says, ‘Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a 4 cm brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious.’
Peckers
Some women are offended by the restaurant Hooters, so this joke
is for those women.
I have recently received many complaints about our restaurant,
Hooters. It seems many women are offended by the degrading
messages sent from this restaurant. So, to make them feel
better, we have made a new restaurant they will enjoy. It is
called Peckers.
All of the waiters will be males with no shirts and will wear
tights. Our speciality food will be foot-long hot dogs.
Hotels
What’s the difference between a hotel and a fanny?
You don’t have to leave your bags outside a hotel.