Author: admin

Sexually Sugestive Lines: Return of the Jedi

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13. “What could possibly have come over Master Luke? Is it something I
did? He never expressed any unhappiness with my work.” (C3PO)

12. “Hey, point that thing someplace else.” (Han)

11. “I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me
master.” (Emperor)

10. “You’re a jittery little thing, aren’t you?” (Leia)

9. “I never knew I had it in me.” (C3PO)

8. “Someone must’ve told them about my little maneuver at the battle of
Taanab.” (Lando)

7. “There is good in him, I’ve felt it.” (Luke)

6. “If I told you half the things I’ve heard about this Jabba the Hutt,
you’d probably short circuit.” (C3PO)

5. “I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can.”
(Jerjerrod)
with reply “Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them.”(Darth)

4. “Grab me, Chewie. I’m slipping — hold on. Grab it, almost…you almost
got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!” (Han)
with “A little higher, just a little higher.” (Lando)

3. “Short help’s better than no help at all.” (Han)

2. “Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me — now I owe you one.” (Han)

1. “Back door, huh? Good idea!” (Han)

Too ugly

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After a night of heavy drinking, a man wakes up to find possibly the ugliest woman he�s ever seen sleeping beside him.

Petrified, he slips his arm out from under her, gets up and dresses as fast as he can.

Stopping only to leave $20 on the bureau, he begins to tiptoe out, but feels a tug on his pants leg.

Looking down, he sees a girl just as ugly as the one in the bed.

�What?� she asks with a toothless smile. �Nothing for the bridesmaid?�

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Post Heart Surgery S

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An old man just had a heart transplant and was getting instructions from his doctor. He was placed on a strict diet, denied tobacco and alcohol, and advised to get at least eight hours sleep a night.”What about my sex life?” asked the old man “Will it be all right for me to have intercourse?””Only with your wife,” said the doctor.”We don’t want you to get too excited.”

Comfortable

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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.'”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable?'”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde.”

“She’ll read it very slowly.”

Submitterd by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

Llega un se�or muy preocupado

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Llega un se�or muy preocupado al doctor y le dice: “doctor, tengo un problema muy grave, es algo que no me deja dormir, no puedo ni siquiera hacerle el amor a mi esposa”.

“D�game, �cu�l es su problema?”, cuestiona el doctor.

El paciente responde: “es que no se como decirlo… pero tengo un test�culo mayor que el otro”.

“A veces pasa, no se preocupe. Mu�stremelo, quiero revisarlo”.

“No doctor, usted se va a re�r”.

“No se�or, como piensa eso. Soy un profesional, no voy a re�rme”.

“�Me lo promete doctor?”

“�Hombre, claro, se lo prometo!”

El hombre se saca un test�culo del tama�o de un mel�n; el m�dico, por m�s que lo intenta, no pude contenerse y se empieza a morir de la risa.

“Ja, ja, ja, ja, �qu� compa��n m�s pura mierda!”

El paciente molesto, le reclama: “lo ve doctor, me dijo que no se iba a re�r, �y eso que todav�a no le muestro el grande!”

Proud to be a Democrat

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A first grade teacher in the conservative Midwest is explaining to her class that she is a Republican and how nice it is that a new Republican president has taken office. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Republicans and support George Bush.

Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl. “Mary,” says the teacher with surprise, “why didn’t you raise your hand?” Because I’m not a Republican,” says Mary. “Well, what are you?” asks the teacher. “I’m a Democrat and proud of it,” replies the little girl.

The teacher cannot believe her ears. “My goodness, Mary, why are you a Democrat?” she asks. “Well, my momma and papa are Democrats, so I’m a Democrat, too.”

“Well,” says the teacher in an annoyed tone, “that’s no reason for you to be a Democrat. You don’t always have to be like your parents. What if your momma was a criminal and your papa was a criminal, too, what would you be then?”

Mary smiled. “Then we’d be Republicans.”

Baldheaded

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a farmer was awakend by horrible sound in the
late hours of the night. he went out to
investigate the noise, when he found his chickens running scared from the chicken house.
the farmer went in the house to find his bird in the hen house rapping the chickens. he grabbed the bird by the neck and took him into the house and threw him on his perch. he then told the
bird if he did it again he would tear every feather out of his body. the following night the same thing happend and the farmer did just what he had told his bird he would do.he plucked every feather off of his body and threw him on the perch again. he had warned the bird that night that he had better behave for the farmer was having a party that night and the only way for the bird to redeem himself was to help the farmer out by telling the compnay “coats the the right”.
the party begin later that night and the farmer was keeping an on on the bird he seemd to be doing well when all of the suddenly a man removed his hat which exposed his bright shinning head. the bird then said ” coats to the right you bald headed hen fuckers up here on the pirch with me”.