-your so dumb you put a key on the board and call it a key board
-your so dumb you put a paper on the tv and call it paper view
Author: admin
What is wrong with Polish
What is wrong with Polish snow tires?
They melt.
How to make a baby.
Directions for making a baby are:
Insert Rod A into Slot B.
mini van
you are so fat that when you went on a diving bord every one screamed mini van!
Girls Night Oit
Two girls go out one weekend without their husbands and got somewhat inebriated.Staggering on their way home, they both desperately need a wee and with no public toilets in sight the nearest venue was a cemetery, so they both ducked behind the fence to relieve themselves. After they’dfinished, the first woman took off her knickers to wipe herself and thenthrew them away. The other woman, realising she was wearing somevery expensive knickers, didn’t want to throw hers away and so lookedaround for something else and decided on using the ribbon off a nearbywreath.So now, feeling a lot better, they carried on with their stagger home. The following morning the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone. One commented, “I think we need to start keeping a closer eye on our wives you know. I reckon they’re up to no good. My wife came home last night without any knickers on!”The other one replied, “Tell me about it! If you think that’s bad, my wifecame home with a card stuck to her arse that read – “All the members of the District Fire Brigade will never forget you”.
Your gay
your gay
Lazy
How can you tell if a man you’re dating is lazy?
He throws his kisses.
Dear mom and dad…
Dear Mom & Dad:
We are having a great time here at Lake Typhoid. Scoutmaster Webb is
making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and
worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed
away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the
mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad’s
mother and tell her he is OK. He can’t write because of the cast. I got to
ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have
found him in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning. Scoutmaster
Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone.
Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably
didn’t hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can
will blow up? The wet wood still didn’t burn, but one of our tents did.
Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows
back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed.
It wasn’t his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left.
Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something to
break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance on it. We think
it’s a neat car. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if its hot,
sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10
people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the
highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat
guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how
to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there
isn’t any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This
morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the
lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim and Chad was
afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe
across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under
the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn’t crabby like some
scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about the life jackets. He has to
spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him
any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges.
When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet
works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was
just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. I have to go now. We are
going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don’t worry about
anything. We are fine.
Love,
Cole
P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?
Sad!
There was once a hillbilly who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat back and thought about it.
Suddenly he thought – “I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am a hillbilly and make fun of me.”
He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, “I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini.”
Immediately, the man behind the counter said “Are you a hillbilly?” This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, “Are you a hillbilly or not?”
This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner’s discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, “But how did you know?”
The shopkeeper replied, “This is a hardware store!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Glaci
Invisible
Doctor, Doctor I’m becoming invisible.
Yes, I can see you’re not all there!
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
ya momma is so dumb she put her fingas in…
ya momma is so dumb she put her fingas in the plug socket and sung ive got the power
King of the Roost
One day an old rooster who was the king of the hen house is approached by a young strong rooster who says, “You have been king of this hen house for a long time. It is time for me to step in and take over so I am calling you out. If I can take you in a fight, then I will become king of the roost.”
The old rooster replies, “I know I have gotten old and you can probably knock my block off. I really don’t want to fight you. I am willing to step down from my position but I want to do it with dignity. Let’s have a race. We will race around the hen house three times. If you let me lead the first two laps, I will feel like I have had my final moment of glory and will step down as king of the hen house. You can pass me at the beginning of the third lap, win the race, and step in as the new king of the roost.”
The young rooster agrees and the race begins. The old rooster is getting pretty tired by the end of the second lap and the young rooster starts to close in to make the pass and lead the final lap.
Just then, there is a series of shotgun blasts from the farm house. The young rooster is sent spinning across the barn yard with the second blast.
Over on the farm house porch, the farmer puts down his shotgun, turns to his wife and says, “Damn, Mildred, that is the third mixed up rooster we have had this week!!”