Author: admin

Those who

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Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged. She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower. You have the right to remain silent….Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Blonde at the gyno

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A middle-aged blonde goes to the doctor and says “Doc I have this really bad itch can you tell me whats wrong?”

He examines her and says, “You have crabs.”

She says, “Thats impossible! I have never had sex before,” and storms out of the doctor’s office.

She goes to another doctor and he says the same thing, and again she insists that it is impossible because she had never had sex.

Finally, she goes to a third doctor and says, “Look Doc… I have seen two other doctors about this itch and they keep telling me I have crabs, but that is impossible.”

He examines her and he says, “Ohhhh. Now I see the problem. It’s not crabs. Your cherry is rotten and you have fruit flies.”

Replacing Joe

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Joe, the Governor’s most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.So, it was understandable that the Governor didn’t take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe’s job.”They don’t even have the decency to wait until the man is buried,” the Governor muttered.At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor’s side.”Governor,” the man said.”Is there a chance that I could take Joe’s place?””Certainly,” the governor replied.”But you’d better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished.”

The boy

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there was a boy he went to the shop and asked his mum for an action man his mum said “no you can have anything you want when you get home” so they went home the boy rushed upstairs to go the toilet his dad was in the bath he said to his dad “dad wats dat thing in the water” and his dad said thats my alien friend” so the boy said “can i play with him” the boys dad said “no” the boy said “mum said i can do anything i want so the boy got in the next day his dad woke up and said where am i wats happened?” the boy said “your alien friend spat at me so i bit his head off”

Going Bananas

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Start with a cage containing five apes.In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water.After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result – all the apes are sprayed with cold water. This continues through several more attempts. Pretty soon, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes all try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes, which have been sprayed with cold water, have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?Because that’s the way they’ve always done it and that’s the way it’s always been around here.And that’s how company policy begins….