Q. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WIFE AND A JOB?
A. AFTER TEN YEARS A JOB STILL SUCKS!
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Q. WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WIFE AND A JOB?
A. AFTER TEN YEARS A JOB STILL SUCKS!
Yomama is like humpy dumpy,she gets humped then dumped.
An poor old farmer was on his deathbed when he called his
three teenage sons into his room. He beckoned them to come
close.
“Sons,” he said in hardly a whisper, “I am very old; I am
about to die. You know that we are certainly not rich. I have
very little to will to you, only the land we are living on. But
here’s the problem: I can only leave it to one of you.”
The three sons looked at each other.
“So,” the farmer continued, “I have decided on a course of
action. Each of you will take one of the three identical ducks
that hatched last year. You will go to market and sell the
duck, and come back here. Whoever sells their duck for the most
money gets the property.”
So the three sons go to the barnyard and each picks up a
duck. Then they all walk down to market, where they split up,
in search of a buyer.
The first, youngest son goes to the butcher and sells his
duck for ten dollars.
The middle son sells his duck to the pillowmaker for twenty
dollars.
The oldest, 19 year old son, Andrew, is walking down the
street, musing about where to best sell his duck. Suddenly he
sees an absolutely gorgeous 18 year old girl in a daring, very
short dress. He is mesmerized by her swaying, tantalizing hips
and full, almost completely exposed breasts. He crosses the
street and confronts her.
“Oh, what an adorable pet!” she cries, stroking the duck.
“I’m selling it,” Andrew exclaims to her cleavage. The girl
doesn’t notice this, she is petting the duck.
“I would love to buy it,” she says wistfully, “but I don’t
have any money.” Suddenly she stands up, flipping her long,
golden locks over her shoulder invitingly. “Unless, of course,
you would be willing to accept some other form of payment.” She
steps very close to Andrew, who was quite good-looking himself.
“Sure,” Andrew squeaks, and together they walk to the motel.
After nearly an hour of physical bliss and multiple spasms,
Andrew lay exhausted on the bed. The girl turned to him and
tried to start up again, but the son held up a hand and panted,
“Sorry, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t take
any more. I am spent!”
The girl looked stricken and cried, “Oh, no, please, just
one more time! You are incredible!” Her voice had a seductive
hunger in it that made Andrew want to go over it again, but he
knew his penis could not take any more for a while. So he got
up and, shaking, dressed. As he closed the motel room door, he
glanced at the girl, still lying sensuously on the bed.
Leaving the motel, he suddenly realized, “I’m supposed to be
selling that duck for money! I need that duck to get the farm!”
So Andrew dashed into the motel and headed up the stairs to
the room he had just left. He burst through the door, just as
the girl got up off the bed. She stood there, the very
goddess-like image of femininity, and he was very glad to do
what he had to do.
“Will you give me the duck back if we do it again?”
In response, the girl attacked him like a lioness, tearing
off his clothes and pulling him forcefully down onto the bed.
It was heaven all over again, and he stayed there for over an
hour this time, thrusting his manhood into her pussy over and
over again, the whole time feeling her all over and kissing her.
By the time they finished, Andrew wasn’t sure if he would ever
be able to use his penis again. Glancing at the shaking,
sweating girl, he knew he would, but not for a while. So he got
up for good this time, and the girl did not ask him to stay.
She couldn’t speak.
When he was dressed, he took the duck and walked outside
into the sunlight. Just as he was crossing the road, the duck
flapped out of his arms and was hit by a bus. The bus driver
stopped and got out.
“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry!” he said. “I will pay you for
that duck. Let me see…” he reached into his pocket and
brought out some money. He counted it. “Will twenty-eight
dollars be enough?”
“I guess so,” said Andrew, and took the money and went home.
He was the last one to arrive, not surprisingly. Finally he
entered the room where his father and two younger sons were
waiting.
“Well,” said the father, “Timmy has sold his duck for ten
dollars, and Greg for twenty dollars. How about you?”
“Well, father:
I got a fuck for a duck,
And a duck for a fuck,
And twenty-eight dollars
for a fucked-up duck!”
It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Half of an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. “You’re not going to have time to finish this,” the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. “Yes I will,” replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. An hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.”No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.” The student looked incredulous and angry. “Do you know who I am?” “No, as a matter of fact I don’t,” replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice. “Do you know who I am?” the student asked again in a louder voice. “No, and I don’t care.” replied the professor with an air of superiority. “Good,” replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
a mexican is caught jumping the boarder so the guy says ill be easy on if you can make a sentence using these words you can go free green yellow pink so the mexican says green green green I pink up the phone and say yellow!!!
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.
A few years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible
problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They
had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no
avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so
many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge
machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular
component of the machine and proudly stated, “This is where your problem is.”
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an
itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark: $1
Knowing where to put it: $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator.
“Do you serve lawyers in here?”, the man inquires.
“Sure do!”, replied the bartender.
“Great!”, the man said. “I’ll have a Coors Light, and how ’bout a lawyer for my ‘gator.”
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?A: He was looking for Pooh. Q: What goes, 99-cluck, 99-clunk, 99-clunk?A: A centipede with a wooden leg. Q: Why do Aunts, uncles, and cousins depend on you?A: Because without U they wouldn’t exist!
Un cubano se encontraba en la calle esperando el cami�n, pero este se hab�a retrasado y era el ultimo de la fila detr�s de una gorda. Cuando el cami�n llega todos trepan pero la gorda se atora en la puerta y el cubano le dice:
“Aligera chica, s�bete a la “huahua”, al ver que segu�a atorada no le queda mas remedio que empujarla de las nalgas. En eso se voltea la gorda indignada y llama a la polic�a, esta llega y pregunta: “que paso aqu�?”, la gorda responde: “este desgraciado negro que me agarr� el trasero” y el negro responde: “estaba esperando la huahua, esta llega, la gorda trepa, se atora y que le agarro el culo…” y el polic�a responde : “no se llama culo, se llama regiones gl�teas” y se llevan al cubano a la estaci�n de polic�a.
Al estar delante el juez �ste le hace la misma pregunta y el cubano responde: “pues nada chico, estaba esperando la huahua, esta llega, la gorda trepa, se atora y que le agarro el culo…” y el juez le replica: “no se llama culo, se llama regiones gl�teas.”
Lo llevan delante de su abogado y le hace la misma pregunta y le da el cubano la misma respuesta que le hab�a dado al polic�a y al juez, y el abogado le dice al cubano: “recuerda que cuando est�s delante del juez no digas culo sino regiones gl�teas, espero que no se te olvide.”
Vuelven a ir delante del juez y le hace la misma pregunta a lo que el cubano responde: “pues na’, que estaba esperando la huahua, esta llega, la gorda trepa, se atora y…” se voltea hacia el abogado y le pregunta: “�C�mo dices que se llama el culo de la se�ora?”
Besides “I love you”, what three words does a wife want to hear most?
“I’ll fix it.”
Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day.
The first one says, “My daddy is so cool he can eat four burgers at one meal.”
The second one says, “That’s nothing, my daddy can eat six.”
Little Johnny starts laughing and says, “My daddy can eat light bulbs.”
The other two boys tell Johnny that he is out of his mind.
They ask him why he thinks his daddy can eat light bulbs.
Little Johnny replies, “Last night, I was passing my parent’s room and my daddy said, ‘Honey, turn out that light, I want to eat that thing.'”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Monica and Bill are in the oval office. Bill says, “Hey Monica…let’s play
‘Hide The Sausage’!”
Monica says, “Why…you always hide it in the same damn place?”