You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.You have the taxidermist’s number on speed-dial.You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
Author: admin
Un abogado muere y se
Un abogado muere y se va a las puertas del cielo. Ah� se encuentra con que la fila de gente que espera para ver si va a entrar es inmensa y que en la punta est� San Pedro atendiendo. Ya estaba decidido a esperar una eternidad en semejante cola cuando ve que el propio San Pedro en persona se le acerca y tom�ndolo del brazo delicadamente lo lleva hasta un sill�n muy c�modo que est� cerca del comienzo de la cola y le dice que no se impaciente que en seguida lo va a atender… El tipo, asombrado por tal trato preferencial le pregunta:
“�Oiga, San Pedro! �C�mo es que me atienden con tanto esmero?”
“Lo que pasa es que estuve inspeccionando los talonarios con que facturaba las cuentas a sus clientes, y por la suma de las horas trabajadas veo que debe tener unos doscientos cincuenta a�os…”
API. Sep 12, 2001
API. Sep 12, 2001
Esta ma�ana el Presidente Municipal de Apatzing�n convoc� a una rueda de prensa a medios de comunicaci�n locales, nacionales e internacionales para informar que se deslinda de toda responsabilidad ante los sucesos ocurridos en la ciudad de Nueva York.
Dijo que su gobierno nunca organiz� ning�n complot y mucho menos albergar� a un solo terrorista sea de cualquier nacionalidad, sexo, convicci�n pol�tica � religiosa.
Puntualiz� su solidaridad con los familiares de las v�ctimas del atentado y reiter� que pon�a a disposici�n de la poblaci�n de aquella ciudad estadounidense al H. Cuerpo de Bomberos de la ciudad; el carro tanque no lo ofreci� porque no llegar�a a Morelia sin descomponerse, pero a�adi� que �l personalmente pedir� permiso al Cabildo para viajar a la ciudad de Washington, D.C. con el fin de aclarar con el Presidente Bush sus intenciones.
Continu� diciendo: “He escuchado en las noticias que se teme que mi gobierno apoye el terrorismo isl�mico y quiero dejar claro que esto es totalmente falso, aqu� todos somos orgullosa y devotamente guadalupanos”.
En eso, su secretario se le acerc�, le jal� la manga y le dijo al o�do: “�Hay un error, se�or Presidente, al parecer Bush dijo Afganist�n, no Apatzing�n!”
Peeing In The Pool
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
“You’re not allowed to pee in the pool,” said the lifeguard. “I’m going to report you.”
“But everyone pees in the pool,” said Little Johnny.
“Maybe,” said the lifeguard, “but not from the diving board!”
They are after me
“Boss, I’ve got to have a raise,” the salesman said to his sales manager. “There are three other companies after me.”
“Is that a fact?” the manager asked. “What other companies are after you?”
“The electric company, the phone company, and the gas company.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
JC Penny
A girl walked into J.C. Penney and said “I’d like some shoes from J.C. Penney.” The clerk gave her some shoes and rang up the bill. Then the girl said “I’d like some sweaters from J.C. Penney.” and the clerk gave her a sweater and rang up the bill. Then the girl said “I’d like a shirt from J.C. Penney.” and the clerk rang up the bill and the girl said “I’d like a pair of pants from J.C. Penney.” The clerk rang up the bill and gave some pants to the girl. Then the girl said “I’d like a bra from J.C. Penney.” and the clerk handed a bra to the girl and rang up the bill. Then the girl said “I’d like some underwear from J.C. Penney.” and the clerk gave her the underwear and rang up the bill. Then the girl said “I’d like some socks from J.C. Penney.” the clerk handed her some socks and rang up the bill. Then a naked girl ran from behind the desk and out of the store. Appalled, the girl asked the clerk “Who was that naked girl?” The clerk smiled and said calmly “That,” she grinned “Was J.C. Penney.” — Submitted by Katie Ames
Dirty blondes
what does blondes and bricks have in common?
they are both dirty and get laid by mexicans
Shave it
What does Hillary do when she’s done shaving her pussy?
Puts a tie on him and sends him to work.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Bedouins
Two Bedouins were in the middle of a desert. When one gets something blown
into his eye. His companion takes a look at his eye for him and says, “Hold
still Abdul, it might be sand.”
Flying
The jumbo jet is just coming into Person Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom.
“This is Capt Johnson. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto.”
He forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit.
The co-pilot says to the pilot, “Well skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?”
Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.
“Well,” says the skipper, “first I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a crap. Then I’m gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I’m gonna wine and dine her , take her back to my room, and shag her all night.”
Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She’s so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says, “No need to run, dear, he’s gotta take a shit first!”
Old Couple Doing It!
A couple age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
The man said, “Doctor, Will you watch us have intercourse?”
The Doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple finished, the Doctor said “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” And he charged them $20.00 somewhat embarrassedly.
This happened for several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and then leave.
Finally the Doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”
The old man said, “we’re not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can’t go to her house.
I’m married and we can’t go to my house. Holiday Inn charges $42.00, the Hilton charges $127.00, we do it here for $20.00 and I get $18.00 back from Medicare for every visit to the Doctor’s office.
Baroque
When you are out of Monet.