Yours Fun Portal !
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender for some drinks:
Brunette: “I’ll have a B and C.”
Bartender: “What is a B and C?”
Brunette: “Bourbon and Coke.”
Redhead: “And, I’ll have a G and T.”
Bartender: “What’s a G and T?”
Redhead: “Gin and tonic.”
Blonde: “I’ll have a 15.”
Bartender: “What’s a 15?”
Blonde: “7 and 7.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Q: If someone was to kick a guy in the desert between the legs, how would they sound?
A: Like a wolf howling for a while!
What do a cubics cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with them the harder they become.
Offerings had been down the past several Sundays and the preacherdecided he had to do something to change the trend. The next Sunday, asthe plate was being passed he said…”Brothers and Sisters, I don’t like to have to do this, but there is aman in the congregation who is having an affair with another parishioner’s wife, and if there is not at least five dollars in the collection, I will reveal his name.Later, as he counted the money he found 2O five dollar bills, and a twodollar bill with a note that read “Forever hold your peace, I’ll havethat other three dollars before sundown.”
A man walks into a bar, sits down and drinks a beer. Then he drinks another beer, and another and…soon he needs to take a leak. He’s standing at the urinal in the men’s room, when he looks over and notices three black men standing at the other urinals. He notices that the one in the middle has a white cock. He zips up and, still a bit confused, goes back to the bar. He orders another brewsky and mentions to the bartender, “I was in the men’s room and noticed three black men in there. I swear the one in the middle had a white cock! The bartender says, pointing, “You mean those three guys at that table over there?” “Yes”, the man says, “They’re the ones.” “Well,” replies the bartender, “those guys aren’t black. They’re coal miners. The one in the middle must have gone home for lunch.”
What position did Monica Lewinsky have at the White House?
Missionary
Newlan’s Truism: An “acceptable” level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Why can’t you tell blondes, knock-knock jokes?
Because they keep walking off to answer the door.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman and Calmjo
The Top 16 Worst Fortune Cookie Fortunes16’What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren’t enough for you, tubby?’15’Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.’14’Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.’13’It takes a tough man to make tender chicken from a cat.’12’You will meet a tall, dark man, not a stranger, who will kill you. He will kill Ron also.’11’This coupon good for free 1-year subscription to Windows Sources magazine.’10’Today’s dog in alley is tomorrow’s moo goo gai pan.’ 9’Spouse mad at you. No get special ‘wonton pork’ tonight, Chester.’ 8’Patron who mocks waiter’s accent will unwittingly consume chef’s bodily fluids.’ 7’A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage.’ 6’An 87 year old hooker awaits you. Alright, let’s see you add ‘…between the sheets’ to that one, smart guy.’ 5’Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application.’ 4’Hope you enjoyed your dinner, Mr. Bond.’ 3’Wipe that drool off your chin. That waitress you’re ogling is Mr. Woo’s number one son.’ 2’Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck.’ 1’Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup.’
Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.
“MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY…”
Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.
So Johnny tells her, “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy…”
At this point, Johnny’s mother cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, so suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell the rest tonight.”
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car in the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and said, “…then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army!”
You mamma is so fat . . .
Her high school graduation photo was an aerial photograph.
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the land,
They’re running like rabbits in Afghanistan.
Osama’s been praying, he’s down on his knees,
He’s hoping that Allah will hear all his pleas.
He thought if he killed us that we’d fall and shatter,
But all that he’s done is just made us madder.
We have not forgotten our Marines in Beirut,
And we’ll kick your butt, with one heavy boot.
And yes we remember the USS Cole,
And the lives of our sailors that you bastards stole.
You think you can rule us and cause us to fear,
You’ll soon get the answer, if you live to hear.
And we haven’t forgotten your buddy Saddam,
And he hasn’t forgotten the sound of our bombs.
You think that those mountains are somewhere to hide,
They’ll go down in history as the place where you died.
Remember Khadhafi and his line of death?
He came very close, to his final breath.
So come out and prove that you are a man,
‘Cause our boys are coming and they have a plan.
They are our fathers and they are our sons,
And they sure do carry some mighty big guns.
They would have stayed home with their children and wives,
‘Till you bastards came here and took all their lives.
Osama I wrote this especially for you,
For our air mail delivery is by B-52.
You soon will be hearing a thud and a whistle,
Old Glory is coming, attached to a missile.
I will not be sorry to see your ass go,
It’s the Red, White, & Blue that is running this show!!!!