Samuel llega al Banco Central

Samuel llega al Banco Central con su BMW de 80.000 d�lares; apenas entra sale el gerente a recibirlo pues es el cliente m�s importante del banco.

“Si, se�or Samuel, �qu� desea?” pregunta el gerente con entusiasmo.

“Necesito un prestamo.”

“Pero no lo puedo creer, con todo el dinero que tiene en dep�sito.”

“No importa, necesito el pr�stamo o me llevo la plata a otro banco.

“Noo por favor se�or Samuel, usted dir� cuanto necesita.”

“Necesito que me prestes un dolar por un mes.”

El gerente lo mira extra�ado: “�Un dolar!”

“S�, un dolar. �Si no, retiro todo el dinero y me voy a otro banco!”

“Est� bien, no se me enoje se�or samuel, vamos a hacer los papeles y ya puede pasar por caja.”

“El inter�s es 3% �no? as� que te tengo que devolver 1,03 d�lares �verdad? Bueno, pues quiero que me tomes el BMW en garant�a por un mes hasta que devuelva el pr�stamo.”

“Pero no hace falta”, dice el gerente.

“Nada. Me tomas el BMW o me enojo.”

“No no, est� bien. D�jelo en la cochera del banco en el segundo piso, y lo viene a buscar el mes entrante.”

Sale Samuel contento del Banco y llama por el celular a su esposa; Rebeca, sabes que ya podemos hacer ese viaje a Europa; consegu� cochera barata a 1,03 d�lares todo el mes.

The Twins

A poor couple gave birth to a set of twins. They were so poor
that they had to give the babies up for adoption, to ensure that
they could lead good lives with people who could care for them.

One brother was adopted by a family from Mexico, and they named
him Juan.

The other brother was adopted by a family from India, and they
named him Ammal.

20 years passed.

One day, the birth mother received a letter and a picture from
her son Juan. She was so happy to read his words and see his
picture. She excitedly showed them to her husband when he came
home. They were very happy.

Then she sighed sadly. Questioned by her husband, she said, “I
only wish Ammal had sent a picture too. I’d love to see what he
looks like.” Her husband looked at her and said, “dear, they’re
twins. If you’ve seen Juan you’ve seen Ammal.”

ENGINEERS AND ACCOUNTANTS. A novel approach…

ENGINEERS AND ACCOUNTANTS. A novel approach to saving money.

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a
conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets
and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an
accountant.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective
seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door
behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and
says, “Ticket, please.”

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket
in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So
after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers
on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and
all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for
the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a
ticket at all.

“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed
accountant.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom
and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train
departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom
and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He
knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please.”

Stiff Neck?

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.

The old man slyly looked at him and said, “Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma’s idea!”

Perfect Solution

A woman walked out of a coffee shop just in time to see a very strange sight.
Moving slowly down the street was a funeral procession which consisted of a hearse followed by another hearse, followed by a woman walking a dog,followed by 200 women in a long line.

The procession was moving slowly and her curiosity got the best of her.So she walked up to the woman with the dog.

I hope you don’t mind me asking, who is in the first hearse?

That’s my husband. He was attacked by our dog and killed.

Well, who is in the second hearse?

That’s my mother in law. She tried to save him and was killed by the dog too.

Is this the dog, she asked?

“Yes” said the widow.

The first woman thought about it for a minute and then asked. “Can I borrow your dog?”

Sure, said the widow,”get in the line”.

Top 12 Signs You Are Not a Good Cook!

1. Your tapeworm has issued an unconditional surrender.

2. The cat shuns your table scraps in favor of its own vomit.

3. Jack Kevorkian keeps writing asking for recipes.

4. Only similarity between your Mexican cuisine and actual
Mexican cuisine is the vomiting and diarrhea.

5. The EPA has opened a branch office in your breakfast nook.

6. You’re leftovers don’t have an expiration date… they have a
half life.

7. After all this time, it turns out recipes are calling for
*chicken* eggs.

8. First day in the kitchen your job was “toast the bread”. Then
you were downgraded to “cut the bread”. Now it’s simply “stop
the bleeding.”

9. Lobster? Climbs out of the pot, grabs a cook book and
proceeds to beat you with it.

10.Your Chicken a La King is served on a bed of gray hair.

11.The Defence Department has requested your rice pilaf recipe
as a repair compound for leaky battleships.

12.Your meals look like the picture on the cover of a magazine
Aviation Disaster Weekly.