Q: How many UNC-Wilmington students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four – two to change the bulb, and two to figure out how to get high off the old one.
Author: admin
Yo mama is so stupid
Yo mama is so stupid, I asked for a color t.v. and she said, “Which color?””
“
Maid to order!
A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with the following question:
“Mom, why are wedding dresses white?”
The mother looks at her son and replies, “Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure.”
The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
“Dad why are wedding dresses white?”
The father looks at his son in surprise and says…
“Son, all household appliances come in white!”
Brain Missing
What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?
Castrated.
Q: How many politicians
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
There is black boy, Malcolm;
There is black boy, Malcolm; a white boy, James; and a Mexican girl
Jaunita in a spelling bee at school.
To win the spelling bee the student must spell the word correctly and use
the word in a sentence.
Teacher: James, spell dictate.
James: d-e-c-t-a-t-e
Teacher: Sorry that’s wrong.
Teacher: Juanita spell dictate.
Juanita: d-i-k-t-a-t-e
Teacher: Sorry that’s wrong.
Teacher: Malcolm spell dictate.
Malcolm: d-i-c-t-a-t-e
Teacher: Correct Malcolm. Now use it in a sentence.
Malcolm: Juanita, how my dic tate las nite?
Some more Father Christmas Riddles
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues!
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Santapplause!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?
Because they both have “Sandy claws”!
What’s Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
Santa pause!
Una ma�ana despu�s de estar
Una ma�ana despu�s de estar recogiendo fruta en el bosque Blanca Nieves llego a la casa de los enanos pero ellos no se encontraban en casa. Blanca Nieves estaba muy cansada as� que subi� a la rec�mara donde se encontraban las camas las junt�, se quit� la ropa y se durmi� sobre las camas.
Horas despu�s los enanos llegaron a casa despu�s de una larga jornada de trabajo en las minas, subieron a la rec�mara en fila como era costumbre, y cuando el enano que iba en el frente de la fila vio a Blanca Nieves que se encontraba durmiendo desnuda sobre las camas exclam�: “�Una mujer!”, y los dem�s enanos repitieron: “una mujer, una mujer, una mujer” y as� hasta terminar con todos.
Despu�s el enano dijo “�est� desnuda! Est� desnuda, est� desnuda, est� desnuda, est� desnuda”.
“�Es grande!, es grande, es grande, es grande, es grande…”
De pronto Blanca Nieves despert� y se puso de pie y el enano que se encontraba al frente de la fila sorprendido dijo: “�Se par�!”
Y los enanos siguieron:
“�A mi tambi�n, a m� tambi�n, a m� tambi�n, a m� tambi�n…”
Golf Injury
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
She said, “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow.”
“Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be all right…I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
She then asked him, “How does that feel?”
To which he replied, “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.”
dog fart
One day a guy got invited over to his girlfriend’s parents house for dinner. He really liked the girl and was set out to impress her parents. When he arrived at the girl’s house he was quickly whisked into the dinning room where they were getting reading to sit down for dinner. He sat down in his chair and the family dog curled up under him. Halfway through dinner the man felt a rumble in his tummy and noticed he had gas. He was very uncomfortable so he let a little bit out hoping no one would notice. As soon as he did, the girl’s father yelled at the dog “Rufus!” The guy thought, hey, this is great and let out a little bit more. Once again, the girl’s father yelled “Rufus!” They guy decided to let all the gas out since the father thought it was the dog. After he let a long fart out, the girl’s father yells at the dog “RUFUS! Get out from under that chair before that man shits on you!”
Don’t look at me in
Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!
Weathermen Are Nuts
Top Ten Signs your Local TV Weatherman Is Nuts
10. Every night, his forecast is: “It’s raining men, hallelujah!”
9. Often asks anchorwoman to switch clothes with him.
8. Uses expensive radar equipment to track Michelle Pfeiffer.
7. “Satellite photos” look suspiciously like Polaroids of a desk globe.
6. Appears to have the first spring robin in his mouth.
5. Seen checking into a Motel 6 with a half-inflated weather balloon.
4. Every night he says, “Lordy mama, it’s gonna rain root beer tomorrow!”
3. The symbol on his weather map for an arctic cold front is a snowman giving the finger.
2. Looks a lot like this pinhead. (videotape of Dave in his TV weatherman days)
1. He’s got a tropical storm in his pants.