Author: admin

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window,
stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a
computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short
time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign,
looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office
manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the
least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager
said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog
jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter.
He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then
jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The
sign says you have to be good with a computer.” The dog jumped down again and
went to the computer. The dog proceeded to enter and execute a perfect program
that worked flawlessly the first time. By this time the manager was totally
dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very
intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can’t
give you the job.” The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put
his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, “Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual”.
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said “Meow.”

Estaban un conejo y un zorrillo en un bosque. Y los dos decidieron hacer una carrera a ver quien era mas r�pido, entonces cuando iban por la carretera los atropella un carro. Despu�s de un tiempo los dos se despertaton, pero perdieron la memoria a causa del golpe.

Entonces le pregunta el conejo al zorrillo: “�Q�i�n soy? descr�beme.”

El zorrillo dice: “Eres peque�o, tienes un rabo muy peque�o, orejas largas y puedes brincar.”

“Ahhh, soy un conejo,” dice el conejo.

El zorrillo dice: “Descr�beme a m�.”

“Eres peque�o, peludo, hueles feo y tienes una divisi�n en el medio.”

Y el zorrillo dice: “�Ahhh! soy un culo, soy un culo.”

Tres hermanos que viv�an lejos de su pueblo natal y se hab�an vuelto ricos discut�an para ver quien hab�a hecho el mejor regalo de navidad a su anciana madre.”

El primero dijo, “Yo le constru� una mansi�n.” El segundo dijo, “Yo le envi� un Mercedes con todo y chofer.” El tercer� sonri� y dijo, “Yo les gan� a los dos. �Recuerdan c�mo le gustaba a mam� leer la Biblia? Y c�mo ustedes saben ella ya casi no puede ver. As� que yo le consegu� un loro que recita la Biblia entera. Les tom� 12 a�os a los monjes de un convento para ense�arle. Es un loro �nico. Mam� s�lo tiene que decirle el cap�tulo y el verso y el loro se lo recita.”

Poco despu�s, la anciana se�ora envi� cartas de agradecimiento a los tres:

“Jos�, la casa que me construiste es tan grande que yo s�lo ocupo un cuarto y tengo que limpiar todo el d�a.”

“Pedro, estoy muy vieja para viajar, as� que rara vez uso el Mercedes. Y el chofer es un harag�n…”

“Querido Manolo, t� si que sabes lo que le gusta a tu madre… La gallina estaba deliciosa.”

A 19 year old lad has been dating a 17 year old girl for a few months.

They’ve been to the pictures and return to her home where she lives with her father, mother having passed on several years previously.

They settle down to amuse themselves on the sofa in the sitting room, whilst the old man watches telly in the back room.

Now the girl is a good example, and looks after her Dad, she in turn is the apple of his eye.

So naturally, he’s worried sick about her well being and eventually just has to break off from watching Panorama to knock gently on the living room door.

The girl opens it. “Hi Sue, you couldn’t make me a cup of tea, could you?”

“Course I can Dad,” she replies, and trots off into the kitchen to put the kettle on.

Meanwhile, the old man sits down on the sofa with the lad to have a word.

“Look, son,” he says. “I remember when I was your age, pulling the birds and trying my luck. Thing is, I’m worried about our Sue.”

“Why, what’s up with her?” replies the lad.

“Well, I shouldn’t really tell you, but she’s got acute angina.”

“Oh, I know…” says the lad. “…great pair of tits too!”

Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by Clark Kent

Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second.

A un hombre le toca la loter�a y se va a celebralo al puticlub m�s caro de Madrid. Al llegar pide la puta m�s cara del local. El jefe le manda a una habitaci�n y le dice que se vaya desnudando.

Aparece una puta vestida �nicamente con un liguero y un delantal, tirando de un carrito de helados.

La puta le pone una bola de chocolate en la puntita del capullo, despu�s una de lim�n, m�s tarde una de fresa, finalmente lo recubre todo con nata y lo adorna con sirope de fresa y dos barquillos. Entonces dice:

“Y ahora, te la voy a comer entera.”

A lo que �l responde:

“�Est�s loca, ahora me la como yo!”