admin – Page 1604 – Purpee Jokes

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, “If you don’t stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon.”Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, “Uh-oh .. I know what you’ve been doing.”

Arizona

Posted on July 10, 2017July 10, 2009 by admin

ArizonaYOU KNOW YOU’RE IN ARIZONA WHEN:- You’ve signed so many petitions to recall governors that you can’tremember the name of the incumbent.- You notice your car overheating before you drive it.- You can say Hohokam and people don’t think you’re laughing funny.- You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.- You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in theSalt River.- You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.- You can say 115 degrees without fainting.- You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour and it will be over100 degrees.- You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves.- You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive yourcar.- You can make sun tea instantly.- You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can useyour fireplace.- You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead ofdistance.- You realize that Valley Fever isn’t a disco dance.- Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.- You can pronounce the words: “Saguaro”, “Tempe”, “Gila Bend”, “SanXavier”, “Canyon de Chelly”, “Mogollon Rim”, “Cholla”, andTlaquepaque”.- It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one personis moving on the streets.- You actually burn your hand opening the car door.- Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkoutcounter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it justto go to Circle K.- Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and some other foolswill actually buy them.- Hot air balloons can’t go up, because the air outside is hotterthan the air inside.- No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.- You can understand the reason for a town named “Why.”

What do u call

Posted on July 10, 2017July 10, 2009 by admin

q;What do u call black people hangin on the barn wall?

A;Used farm equipment.

How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

Posted on July 10, 2017July 10, 2009 by admin

(I’ll tell you tomorrow.)

A woman got on a bus and not finding a seat…

Posted on July 10, 2017July 10, 2009 by admin

A woman got on a bus and not finding a seat said to a man sitting
there “I should think you’d give up your seat for a pregnant woman.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I couldn’t tell.”

She sat down and said, “That’s understandable, it’s only been 20 minutes.”

Writing Home From College

Posted on July 10, 2017July 10, 2009 by admin

Date: ___________

Dear Parent(s),

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

Please send: __ Money (Cash)!

Amount: $_______

__ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________

__ Clean clothes!

Relationships:

__ What?

__ I am in love with myself

__ I am in love!

__ I am engaged

__ I got married last weekend

My Roommate:

__ Worships the ground I walk on

__ Gave me a black eye

__ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason

__ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???

__ Has fleas

My Professors are:

__ Sadistic water walkers

__ Mental institution escapees

__ Brain dead nerds

__ Super oxygen thieves

What does a Jewish American Princess make…

Posted on July 10, 2017July 10, 2009 by admin

What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner?

Reservations.

Why God never received his PhD

Posted on July 10, 2017July 10, 2009 by admin

1.He had only one major publication.

2.It was in Hebrew.

3.It had no references.

4.It wasn’t published in a refereed journal.

5.Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.

6.It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?

7.His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.

8.The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.

9.He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.

10.When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.

11.When subjects didn’t behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.

12.He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.

13.Some say he had his son teach the class.

14.He expelled his first two students for learning.

15.Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.

16.His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

17.No record of working well with colleagues.

Clean Blonde Blowjob

Posted on July 10, 2017July 10, 2009 by admin

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.

So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde’s blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.

“I’m trying to pop out this dent, but it’s not really working.”

“Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!”