#NAME?

– Bonitas piernas, �a qu� hora abren?

– �Crees en el amor a primera vista o tengo que volver a pasar delante tuyo?

– Si est�s buscando el tocador de damas, no busques m�s… soy yo.

– �Trabajas para Federal Express?… porque pens� que me mirabas el paquete.

– Puede que no sea el tipo m�s guapo del bar, pero soy el �nico que te est� hablando.

– Realmente estoy luchando contra la necesidad de hacerte esta noche la mujer m�s feliz del mundo.

– Por una sonrisa tuya recorrer�a un kil�metro… ir�a mucho m�s lejos por eso que haces con la lengua…

– Mi nombre es Rafa… recu�rdalo porque lo estar�s gritando m�s tarde.

– M�tame si no te sirvo, pero primero pru�bame.

– Estoy buscando el 1/2 para llevarte a mi 1/4.

– Estoy buscando Diosas para una nueva religi�n… y acabo de elegirte.

– Ma�ana me meto en un convento para ser cura… �me ayudas a disfrutar la �ltima noche?

– Soy homosexual… �me ayudas a cambiar?

– Uy que perro m�s encantador, �tiene n�mero de tel�fono?

– �Ma�ana te despierto con el codo o con el tel�fono?

– �Te estudio o te trabajo?

– Bonitos pantalones, quedar�an muy bien en el suelo de mi dormitorio.

– Disc�lpame… �tienes hora?… es que se me PAR� cuando te vi.

– El m�dico me prohibi� levantar cosas pesadas… �me ayudas a orinar?

– Hola, soy nuevo ac�, �me puedes decir donde queda tu departamento?

– �Te importa si compartimos el taxi hacia mi casa?

– Tengo bonitos relojes, �quieres ver mi mesita de noche?

– �Nos conocemos de alg�n sitio? �o es que no te reconozco porque traes ropa puesta?

– �Que te gustar�a para el desayuno?

– Podr�a sacarte de mi sucia lista de fantas�as si quieres.

– Bonita blusa, �puedo hablarte sin ella?

– Tengo sed nena, y tu hueles a Gatorade.

A la chica de la fotocopiadora:
– Reproduciendo �eh?… �puedo ayudar?

– Perd� mi n�mero de tel�fono, �me prestas el tuyo?

– Jugar al doctor es para ni�os, ven y juguemos al ginec�logo.

– Se�orita, si ya perdi� su virginidad, me podr�a regalar la cajita en que ven�a.

Which one?

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”

“None,” replied Johnny, “because the rest would fly away.”

“Well, the answer is four,” said the teacher. “But I like the way you are thinking.”

Little Johnny said, “I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?”

“Well,” said the teacher nervously, “I guess the one sucking the cone?”

“No,” said Little Johnny, “the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking.”

Submitting by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Doctor, Doctor!

A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. ‘Is it true’, the woman wanted to know, ‘that the medication you prescribed for me has to be taken for the rest of my life’? ‘Yes, I’m afraid so.’ The doctor told her.There was a moment of silence before the woman continued,’I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition really is. This prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS!”

Superman

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman’s apartments to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself “I’m faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex & out again before she knew what was happening.” So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said “Did you hear anything?” “No!” said the Invisible Man, “But my ass hurts”!

Trust

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial which went like this:

Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q: Officer, who provided this description?

A: The officer who responded to the scene.

Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A: Yes sir, with my life.

Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer–do you have a locker room in the police station–a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

A: Yes sir, we do.

Q: And do you have a locker in that room?

A: Yes sir, I do.

Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?

A: Yes sir.

Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?

A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room.