A man went to the doctor one day and sat down on the table.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the doctor. “Doc, my dick
is orange,” said the man. “Come back in a week and we’ll see if
there is any change.” the doctor told the man. A week later, the
man came back, “Doc, my dick is still orange.” “What do you do
for a living?” asked the doctor. “Nothing, I’m unemployed.”
replied the man. “What do you do all day?” asked the doctor.
“Ah, just sit around and watch porn videos and eat Cheetos.”
Author: admin
Hand me the broom
One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother’s broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark.
He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing.
She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was.
She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn’t want to go out to get the broom.
His mother smiled and said ‘The Lord is out there too, don’t be afraid’. The little boy opened the back door a little and said ‘Lord if you’re out there, hand me the broom’.
Q: How many Microsoft tech support people does it
Q: How many Microsoft tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working
fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay. Now exactly how dark
is it? Okay, there could be 4 or 5 things wrong…have you tried the light
switch?
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?A: A competent liberal President.
Pink or purple
What is the difference between pink and purple?
The grip.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Its all Relative
Three churches – Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian – worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another.
The Methodist minister said, “The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families.”
The Baptist preacher said, “We did better than that! We gained 6 new families.”
The Presbyterian pastor said, “Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!”
Beans, a dollar a can…..
An older lady was taking the elevator to her floor when a young,
sweet-smelling, beautiful woman came on. She said,”Chanel-$50.00
an ounce.” and pressed the button for her floor. About 2 floors
up, another young, sweet-smelling, beautiful woman came on the
elevator. She said,”Bombardier-$100.00 an ounce.” and pressed
the button for her floor. When the older woman got to her floor,
she turned around, farted, and said,”Beans, $1.00 a can at the
grocery store.” and got off.
Everyday Life
An old lady stops me in the street and says, �Can you see across the road”
I reply �Hang on love, I’ll go and have a look”
Marry for Cash
It’s just to hot to wear clothes today,” said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. “Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?””Probably that I married you for your money.”
Exactly right
Once a husband and a wife argued about cooking. The wife insisted that
potatoes must be cooked with only one teaspoon of salt per pan, while the
husband thought that two spoons would be better. The husband said in a mild
tone, “I think, in this you’re not exactly right.”
“What? I’m not exactly right? What you really mean is that I’m far from being
right! You mean I’m completely wrong! I’m wrong; it means I’m telling lies! I’m
lying, then I’m not speaking like a human being! You mean I’m barking like a
dog! Mom! Mom! He called me bitch!”
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue…
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
– Both crews were marooned.
Three guys go up to heaven…
Three guys go up to heaven at the same time, and the head angel says, “it’s been a busy day, so i can only let one of you in. whoever has the best story gets to go in.”
the first guy said,”i had been suspecting my wife has been cheating on me for the past year, so one day when i went up to the 25th story on our apartment (where I live) i heard her in our room, and i was expecting the worst. i decided to kill the man she was cheating on me with, so i looked out the window, and here’s a guy who’s hanging from my telephone wire. i hammer his fingers, but he doesn’t drop. i decide to throw our refrigerator out the window, so i hoisted it up on my back, and my shirt got caught, and i threw it out the window and i fell out with it.”
the second guy said, “i was an innocent window washer and i was washing windows when i saw something shiny. i reached out to grab it and the next thing i know im dangeling from a telephone wire. then a freak comes up and started hammering my fingers. i decided not to let go, then a refrigerator drops on me and i die.”
the third guy says, “Picture me nude in a refrigerator. Enough said.”