An old lady buys a farm but has no animals for the farm. So she decides to go to the farm next door to buy some animals. So the next day she goes over and asks the man if he had any animals for sale for her new farm. The man replied sure. So the lady asked if he had any roosters, he said yes but we don’t call them roosters, we call them cocks. So the lady said she will take some. Then the lady asked if he had any donkeys, the man replied yes but we call them asses. But there is a rule with the asses, when they turn over you have to scratch their belly, the lady said no problem i will take some. And finally the lady asked for some hens, them man replied we don’t call them hens we call them pull-its. So the lady said she will take some. After the lady pays for her new animals she is walking back to her farm. And while she is doing this the donkey turns over. So the lady asked the man walking by if he could hold her cock and pull-it while she scratches her ass.
Author: admin
WENT HUNTING!
THERE WAS THESE 2 MEN AND A BLONDE.ONE DAY,THE FIRST MAN WENT HUNTING AND CAME BACK WITH A GIANT RABBIT.THE SENCOND MAN AND THE BLONDE ASKED HOW DID U GET THAT?THE FIRST MAN SAID I FOLLOWED THE TRACKS!THEN THE SECOND MAN WENT OFF AND FOLLOWED THE TRACKS AND CAME BACK WITH BACK WITH A GIANT RABBIT.THE BLONDE ASKED HOW DID U GET THAT?I FOLLOWED THE TRACKS.THE NEXT DAY THE BLONDE SET OUT AND FOLLOWED THE TRACKS AND HEARD A CHOO!CHOO!
Truckers in heaven
Three truckdrivers died and went to heaven where they met St. Peter at the gates.
St. Peter says, “I have to ask each of you three simple questions before you can enter the gates to paradise.”
So he calls the first driver over and asks his questions. “Have you ever drunk any hard liquor?”
“No.”
“Have you ever done any dope?”
“No.”
“Well have you ever screwed around with other women?”
“No.”
St. Peter points to the left and says, “You stand by that door right over there.”
He calls the second guy over and starts; “Have you ever drunk any hard liquor?”
“No, that’d be bad for my health.”
“Have you ever done any drugs?”
“No sir, that’d be breaking the law.”
“Well have you ever screwed around with any women?” “No way, that’d be breaking one of the ten commandments.”
St. Peter says “Allright, stand by your buddy over there.” and called the third truckdriver over.
He starts, “Have you ever drunk any hard liquor?”
“Well, I tried not to but I’ve always been an alcoholic.”
“Well! Let me ask you this, Have you ever done any drugs?”
“Why hell yea, how do you think I stay awake to run 20 hours a day, you’ve got to roll to make the dough.”
“Well,” St. Peter asks “I’ve got to know, have you ever scewed around with any women?”
“Ooooooooooweeee; maaaan, there’s this dame back in Baltimore that’ll suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!”
St. Peter pointed to the right and says “You stand by that door over there.”
When the driver asks about the other two guys, St. Peter explains “Your buddies are going to hell; but we’re going back to Baltimore!!!”
Edited by Calamjo
Scary!
A ghost, a vampire and a zombie were off scaring little kids and then went to
a big house. A politician came out and the three monsters went off running.
The inventor of
The inventor of the airplane borarding ramp has died at age 85. Funeral seating will begin half an hour before the service, with preferential treatment for immediate family members, followed by friends and relatives holding passes numbered 1 through 30.
Old Couple Arrived in Heaven
An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years,
died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten
years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and
exercise.
When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their
mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a
master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they “oohed and
aahed” the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to
cost. “It’s free,” Peter replied. “This is heaven.”
Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course
that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges
every day, and each week the course would change to new one that
represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man
asked, “What are the green fees?” Peter’s reply: “This is
heaven; you play for free.”
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch
with the cuisines of the world laid out. “How much to eat?”
asked the old man. “Don’t you understand yet? This is heaven; it
is free!” Peter replied with some exasperation. “Well, where are
the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?” the old man asked
timidly. Peter lectured, “That’s the best part: You can eat as
much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and
you never get sick. This is heaven.”
With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and
shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down,
asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and
said, “This is all your fault. If it weren’t for your blasted
bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”
Restrain Your Child!
A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, “I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.””No,” said the doctor calmly, “He’ll be quiet when he gets to the poisons.”
Hereditary Anatomy
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. “How do you account for this?” he asked the brothers. “It’s hereditary, sir,” the older one replied. “I see,” said the doctor, writing in his file. “Your father’s the reason for your elongated penises?” “No sir, our mother.” “Your mother? You idiot, women don’t have penises!” “I know, sir,” replied the recruit, “but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could.”
Blonde-Coke Machine
It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. So
she went to the coke machine and put her money in, and a coke came out so she
kept putting money in it, and since it was a hot day a line had formed behind
her. Finally the man behind her said, ”Will you hurry up we’re all hot and
thirsty!” And the blonde turned around and said, ”No way. I’m still winning.”
The big drought
The drought is causing all sorts of problems.
One swimmer was so depressed about the lack of water that three weeks ago he decided to end it all by jumping into his pool and staying on the bottom.
Yesterday he died of starvation.
Failing Math
A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes of improving her math grades.
During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies.
The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more.
On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math.
She asked her daughter, “Why the sudden change of attitude about math — do the nuns punish you?”
The girl replied, “No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math!”
Your mammas so fat
your mammas so fat that she played pool with the planets