Q: What county in Ireland hates “South Park?”
A: Killkenny.
Author: admin
Lone Ranger’s Garbage
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage???
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump.
3 men…3 wishes
There were 3 men just chillen out on a bridge. Suddenly a
geenie apeared out of nowhere. The geenie said “I will grant
you each one wish.” So the first guy says, “i wanna be a bird
and fly.” the genie says, then run off the bridge and flap your
arms then you will turn into one. So he did it and it worked.
The second guy said, “i wanna be a fish and swim all day long”.
The genie said “jump in the water and start to swim.” He did it
and it worked. The third guy said, “i wanna be a bird also!”
So the genie said jump off and start to flap again. So he takes
a few steps back…he gets ready to make a huge jump…then he
runs, trips on a rock and yells “SHIT”! Then poof! He was
floating in the water as a huge pile of shit.
Davy Crockett’s ears
Q: How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A: Three. One left ear, one right ear and one wild front ear.
Pepito va a ver a
Pepito va a ver a su madre acompa�ado de su amiguita:
“Mam�, �verdad que a nuestra edad no se puede tener ni�os? �verdad, mam�?”
“Claro que no, coraz�n. Ustedes son demasiado peque�os para eso,” responde la madre, sonriendo.
Entonces, volvi�ndose hacia su amiguita:
“Ves, yo te dije que no ten�a caso que me retirara…”
An Excellent Costume Party Idea
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail
through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole
family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift
envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at
the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in
a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door,
and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant
breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed
orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming
coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under
the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said,
“but what the dollar is for?”
“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last
day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give
you.”
He said, “f*** him, and give him a dollar.”
The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”
You’re so poor joke
You’re so poor you can’t afford a boner.
Split Personality
Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
Psychiatrist: Nurse, bring in another chair!
How to get rid of a Jehovah’s Witness
When they ask, “Can I talk to you about God?” Reply, “Sure, what would you
like to know?”
Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, “I’m sorry, could you come back
in a half hour? We’re not done with the virgin yet.”
Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say ‘Allah be Praised!
Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want
to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.
Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince
a little before confessing, “er, I’m not sure if it’s legal in this country.
A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of “The
Watchtower” scattered around…
Answer every one of their questions with “What do you mean by that?” This
might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how
long it takes for them to leave.
Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.
Invite them in to see your fine collection of dinosaur fossils.
Artificial Intelligence in a Bottle
What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence.
Three gay men died, and
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers
happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were
discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, “My Benny loved to fly, so I’m going up in a plane
and scatter his ashes in the sky.”
The second man said, “My Carl was a good fisherman, so I’m going to
scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.”
The third man said, “My Jim was such a good lover, I think I’m going
to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just
one more time.”
Three mothers
One day a brunette mother walks in her daughter’s room, she sees a cigarette pack on the floor and says, “I didnt know my daughter smoked.”
The same day a redheaded mother is looking in her son’s room and sees a beer bottle on the floor and says, “I didn’t know my son drank.”
The same day, a blonde mother is in her daughter’s room and sees a condom on the floor and says, “I didn’t know my daughter had a penis!”