Author: admin

Va un vaquero por el

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Va un vaquero por el desierto caminando y repentinamente se le aparece en frente un indio Apache que iba descalzo y con un hacha en sus manos y le dice:

“Oye, tu levantar las manos ahora, y callarte la boca”.

El vaquero asustado le dice:

“Por favor, no me haga da�o, yo le doy lo que quiera”.

El indio le dice:

“Yo no hacerte da�o, indio querer botas tuyas”.

Entonces el vaquero le contesta:

“Est� bien lo que usted diga.”

Cuando el vaquero comienza a doblarse para quitarse las botas y entreg�rselas al indio, se le sale un peo. Y en ese momento el indio le dice:

“Oye, indio cambiar de opini�n, indio no querer bota, indio querer trompeta…”

More Than Murphys Law

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After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
–Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair

Identical parts aren’t.
–Beach’s Law

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
–Anthony’s Law of the Workshop

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
— Tussman’s Law

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
–Lowery’s Law

The solution to a problem changes the problem.
–Peer’s Law

There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
–William’s Law

Machines should work. People should think.
–IBM’s Pollyanna Principle

The most ineffective workers shall be moved systematically to the place where they can do the least damage.
–The Dilbert Principle

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
–Ehrlich’s Law

It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
–Ralph’s Observation

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
— Cannon’s Comment

The newer the carpet the greater the likelihood that the bread will land jelly side down.
— Law of inevitable consequences.

Wife 1.0

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Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Boys’ Night 2.5 and Sunday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever they are selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me, please?! Thanks, Joe

Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under ‘Warnings – Alimony/Child Support.’ I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command C:APOLOGISE. In any case, avoid excessive use of the ESC key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.

Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck.

Tech Support Matt Smith

Father & Son

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Son:”Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?”

Father: “Sure son. What’s the question?”

Son: “What is politics?”

Father: “Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me “Capitalism”. Your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her “Government”. We take care of your needs, so we’ll call you “The People”. We’ll call the maid “The Working Class”, and your baby brothe we can call “The Future”.

“Do you understand, Son?”

Son: “I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it”.

That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent’s room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father. “Dad, now I think I understand what politics is”.

Father: “Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?”

Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit”.