There was once a beautiful woman named Rebecca who lived with 3
men: an author, an artist, and a blind man.They each visited her
once a day. One day Rebecca was taking a shower when she heard a
knock at the door. So she put on a towel and answered the door.
It turned out to be the artist. He said ” Congratulate me,
Congratulate me, I have just finished a masterpiece.” Rebecca
didn’t care so she slammed the door in his face. Right when
Rebecca was getting back in the shower she heard another knock
so she put her towel back on and answered the door. It was the
author this time and he said ” Congratulate me, Congratulate me
I have just finished a new best-seller. Rebecca didn’t care so
she slammed the door in his face. Rebecca got back in the shower
and 15 min. later she heard another knock. She figured it had to
be the blind man so she didn’t have to put on her towel and she
answered the door. She was right it was the blind man and he
said to her “Congraatulate me, Congratulate me I can see again!”
Author: admin
Bubbles
There are four guys in the park who get arrested for blowing bubbles.
In the court room one guy comes in, the judge says, “who are you and what are you charged with”??
“I’m duck and i got charged for blowing bubbles in the park”.
2nd one comes in, ” who are you and what are you charged with”?
“I’m duck duck and i was charged for blowing bubbles in the park”.
3rd one comes in.” Who are you and what were you charged with”?
“I’m duck duck duck and i was charged for blowing bubbles in the park”.
4th one comes in judge says “let me guess, your duck duck duck duck, and charged for blowing bubbles in the park?”
“NO, he says…I’m bubbles!!”.
Insane Asylum
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”
Blood test
ur momma so fat that whenever she went to get her blood drawn the results came back gravy.
Homesick
A manufacturer’s technician was in a small town in the Carolinas, repairing some new specialized machinery, when his trip was suddenly prolonged for an extra month due to some problems in completing the job.
He was already getting bored with the the town. It seemed as if they rolled up the streets and turned out the lights by ten o’clock. Over the course of the extra month he was getting very homesick.
Finally, he gave in to temptation and visited the local brothel on the outskirts of town.
He entered and handed the madam a hundred dollar bill and requested, “Give me the worst performing , most lethargic, disinterested whore in the house?”
The madam says, “Well yes, but for this kind of money, you can have the best we have if you like.”
“No, no,” says our boy, “you don’t understand, I’m not horny, I’m married and just homesick.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Degree for Jackson
It seems that a well known University is giving Micheal Jackson an Honory Degree to celebrate his acquittal.
The University was disappointed to hear that Jackson didn’t wish to be presented with it.
The University spokesman said “We have gone to a lot of expense for Jackson and now that this special degree has been printed who else can we give it too? I mean not everyone is eligible for a Bachelor of Arse degree!”
The Top 15 Favorite Redneck Movies
15> Alabama Jones and the Last Beer Run
14> S*O*U*R*M*A*S*H
13> Thelma-Louise
12> Back to the Future IV: I’m My Own Daddy!
11> 9 1/2 Teeth
10> Three to Tango — But Two Have to Hold the Cow Steady So You Don’t Get Knocked Off The Foot Stool
9> And the Band Played “Freebird”
8> Three Brides for Seven Brothers
7> Dog, Ma
6> Honey, I Blew My Cousin!
5> Three Men and Ned Beatty
4> Austin Texas: The Uncle Who Shagged Me
3> Being John Deere
2> How Stella Got Her Tooth Back
1> The Green Smile
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com] [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]Q: How many British
Q: How many British trades unionists does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. They cannot interfere with the lightbulb’s inalienable right to withdraw its labour.
From Mom’s Dictionary……
From Mom’s Dictionary…
- Hearsay (noun)
- What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Birth control
There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting.The topic of birth control came up and they started comparing methods.
The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It had been effective for them since they had started using it after their 4th child was born.
The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated having to watch the calendar.
The third woman said that she used condoms, but wished that her husband would remember to buy them himself.
The fourth woman said that she and her husband had found the perfect prevention method.
They used the “saucer and pail” method. All ears were opened at that comment. She went on to explain…. Her husband is shorter than she, so he stands on a pail whenever they make love, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, she kicks the pail out from underneath him.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Un tipo ten�a un problema
Un tipo ten�a un problema de impotencia cr�nico. Va al doctor, quien tras examinarlo le dice: “Tiene usted una enfermedad rara que deteriora los m�sculos de su pene. Me temo que no existe cura. Sin embargo, hay un tratamiento experimental. Se trata de transplantar los m�sculos de un elefante beb� al pene. �Le gustar�a que lo intentaramos?”
No viendo otra soluci�n, el tipo acepta y unos d�as despu�s el doctor realiza la operaci�n.
Ya dado de alta, el tipo lleva a su novia a un buen restaurant para celebrar el �xito de la operaci�n. Mientras est�n en la mesa, comienza a sentir un extra�o movimiento entre las piernas; la presi�n se vuelve insoportable, as� que el tipo decide abrir la bragueta del pantal�n.
De pronto, su pene sale del pantal�n, se desliza sobre la mesa, toma un pl�tano de la fuente de frutas, y regresa a su pantal�n de nuevo.
“�Vaya!” dice su asombrada novia, “�Eso fue realmente impresionante! �Puedes hacerlo otra vez?”
Con el rostro enrojecido, el tipo responde, “Tal vez… �Pero no s� si pueda aguantar otro pl�tano en el culo!”
Drive Em Wild
Q. What’s six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money