You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
Author: admin
A President In Love
To the tune of Dion’s “A Teenager in Love” Last night we had a quarrel
Over a cute little tart
‘Cause I lost my head
From the very start. Every night I think Ken Starr’s heard too much
Why must I be a President in love!?! One day I loved old Hillary
Next day I was a cad
Guess I’m just a rake
A fun lovin’ happy lad. Every night I think Ken Starr’s heard too much
Why must I be a President in love!?! The dress was smeared
The blouse was too
I’ll be a happy man
If Monica says I do. Every night I think Ken Starr’s heard too much
Why must I be a President in love!?! If you wanna have sex with me
I’d like to do it too
And if you want to tell a lie
I’ll just go and pardon you. Every night I think Ken Starr’s heard too much
Why must I be a President in love!?!
WHAT’S FOR DINNER?
Once a young boy was watching his mother take a bath. As she got out to dry
off, he notices her upper torso he asks, “Momma, what are those?”
She replies, “Son, those are my breasts.”
As she turns he back to him he asks, “Momma, what is that?”
She replies, “Son that is my derriere.”
As she turns to slip on her robe he spies her nether region and asks, “Momma,
what is that?”
She replies, “That, son, is none of your business!”
Later the boy is playing by the kitchen door, and the father comes in from
work hungry. The father hollers toward the kitchen to the mom, “Hey honey,
what’s for dinner?”
She replies, “None of your business.”
The son shaking his head says, “YUCK!”
Wake me up…
On a bus station, an old lady got into a bus and said to the driver,
“Sonny boy, I think I’m going to fall asleep during this long bus ride.
Can you wake me up when we get to New York?” The Driver replied, “Sure
thing.” But later he forgot all about the old lady and only when he went 3
hours past New york he remembered that he had to wake her up. He felt
really sorry for the old lady so he decided to go all the way back to New
York and wake up the old lady and pretend like nothing happend. Even when
all the other passengers disagreed the driver didn’t change his mind.
Finally when they got to New York. He woke up the old lady and the old
lady got up, looked inside her bag, took out a pill and ate it. Then she
said, “Thank you sonny boy! I always forget to take my medication in
time!” and went back to sleep again.
Vimpire Dinner
Q: What did the vampire say when he was invited to dinner? A: “No fangs, I just ate necks door.”
Some dirty one-liners
Two old men are comparing their sex lives: Man 1: I can still do it twice! Man 2: Which time do you enjoy the most? Man 1: I think the winter. ——Saying that she is promiscuous is an understatement. She’ll go zero to sixty-nine in under fifteen seconds.——Then this guy walked up to the lady behind the counter and said, ‘Do you keep stationery?’She said, ‘Well, right up to the last minute, then my toes curl up and I turn into an animal.’
Lawyers and god
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
Best Foot Forward
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth!
Baseball
Two boys were playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog’s collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog’s neck and stopping the attach.
A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. “Young Bruins Fan Saves friend from Vicious Animal…” he starts writing in his notebook. “But, I’m not a Bruins Fan”, the little hero replied. “Sorry, since we’re in Boston, I just assumed you were”, said the reporter and starts again. “Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific attack…” he continues to write in his notebook. “I’m not a Red Sox fan either!” The boy said. “I assumed everyone in Boston was either a Bruins or Red Sox fan. So, what team do you root for? the reporter asked. “I’m a Yankees fan!” the child beamed. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes: “Little Bastard from New York Kills Beloved Family Pet”.
The Top 15 Mafia Valentine’s Day Greetings
15. My love for you… it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement.
14. I’m here To fulfill your fondest wishes Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
13. Lie down with me — it’s my final offa, Or you’ll be lying wit’ Jimmy Hoffa.
12. I picked up this card from a slim selection But that’s all they offer here in witness protection. Love, J. Doe
11. I’ve waited so long for you to be mine. Now that Sinatra’s dead, be *my* Valentine.
10. Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
9. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass; So please be mine, Valentine, or I’ll have to whack your ass.
8. Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car — So why ain’t you dead?
7. The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look You’d bear a son, and now that’s done, So shut your mouth and cook!
6. Hey.
5. Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you’re as untouchable as Elliot Ness.
4. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you’ll keep your fingers.
3. Hope da chocolates is good, but y’know, dis ain’t really what a guy’s heart looks like.
2. Valentine, Dear, lend me a hand So I won’t be a self-made man.
1. When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye — that’s amore!
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com]Murphy’s Laws of Combat…
.. 1. You are not superman.
2. Recoilless rifles aren’t.
3. Don’t look conspicuous. It draws fire.
4. Never draw fire. It irritates everyone around you.
5. When in doubt, empty the magazine.
6. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
7. Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
8. If you can’t remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
9. All five second grenade fuses are three seconds.
10. Try to look unimportant. They may be low on ammo.
11. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
12. The easy way is always mined.
13. The important things are very simple.
14. The simple things are very hard.
15. When you have secured an area, don’t forget to tell the enemy, and CNN
16. Incoming fire has right-of-way.
17. Teamwork is essential. It gives the enemy more people to shoot at.
18. Friendly fire isn’t.
19. Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
20. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
10 reasons why sex is better than school
10. Everbody likes sex and nobody likes school, except for virgins and only
because they haven’t had sex yet.
9. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc…, school just sucks.
8. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel like
smoking something a whole lot stronger.
7. You only get disciplined during sex if you want to.
6. Drinking drives people to sex, whereas school drives people to drink.
5. Sex releives stress, school is the cause of stress.
4. Nothing beats the “hands on” experience you get with sex.
3. After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.
2. Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still cheaper
than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.
1. At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex. At
school your teachers screw you regardless!!!