61. You almost forget how to drive.62. You’ll drink anything if it’s free..63. People still cheat, it’s just more technologically advanced.64. You get really good with excuses for skipping class.65. The girl you’re going to marry may live right next door, so keep your stereo down.66. Ordering food at 1 am is a common occurance.67. You never realized how cool you can be.68. TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.69. You realize how great your hell summer job was once you get to work study.70. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.
Author: admin
Hair Dresser
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to
duplicate again. See “Magician”.
A Fence Bid
Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors the guard said, ”Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don’t you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?” So to the back fence they all went. First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, ”Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, ”Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.” Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, ”$2,700.” The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, ”You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” ”Easy,” he said. ”$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Texas.”
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89 Cents
Why Taxes
USA Taxes…..
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
Capital Gains Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Court Fines (indirect taxes)
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax Interest expense (tax on the money)
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Local Income Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Septic Permit Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone State and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
Trailer registration tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and the USA was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had
the largest middle class in the world.
What the heck happened?
Blonde legs…
What did the blonde chick’s left leg say to her right leg?Long time, no see!
Broom
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of
work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile,
gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out
the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here,
give me the broom. I’ll show you how.”
Why is a sorority girl like a doorknob?
Why is a sorority girl like a doorknob?
Cause everybody gets a turn.
Lost boy
A little boy gets lost in a department store, and gets taken to security,and is asked:”wots your mummy like?”Boy replies:
“lots of vodka and big dicks”
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m so sure you can hear me thinking. ” Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
THE TWELVE KEYS OF WEBaholics
F1: …admit that we have no life.
F2: …believe that a Power greater than ourselves can either restore us to
sanity or provide us with unlimited, no-cost Internet dial-up.
F3: …made a decision to turn our lives over to that Great Webmaster In The
Sky (“GWITS”).
F4: …performed a searching moral inventory with the Web search engine of our
choice.
F5: …admitted to GWITS, ourselves and another human being (even if
only by email) the exact nature of our obsession.
F6: …were entirely ready to have GWITS remove our shortcomings and remedy
our lack of knowledge about the latest IRC chat technology.
F7: …humbly asked GWITS to allow us to FTP the file updates.
F8: Made a list of all persons we had neglected, and posted it on our personal
home page.
F9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so
would cut into our scheduled netsurf time.
F10: …continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, blamed
it on our outdated software.
F11: …sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with
GWITS, by utilizing higher modem speeds and improved bandwidth.
F12: …had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Keys, tried to carry
the message to other WEBholics, and ended up making complete pests out of
ourselves.
UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALISM
UNITARIAN-UNIVERSALISM You have two cows; They smoke in their religious
services, and refuse to be nailed down in any belief, except that all cows will
enjoy the benefits of becoming ‘Filet Mignons’ rather than dog food.