what is a valcano? A Mountain with the hiccups!!
Author: admin
How do you make love
How do you make love to a fat girl?
Roll her in flour and go for the wet spot.
Chicken
Why did the chicken cross the road???
actually it did not cross the road… it got hit by a car.
Three Men from Canad
Two men from Canada were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.The first man says to the other, “If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.”After about three hours, the second man finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo.The next morning, the first man finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the first man if he did what he told him to do.The man answers, “Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows.”
Chief is at a wedding
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
The Horse Auction
The Horse Auction
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father replied, “Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”
Llega un parroquiano y con
Llega un parroquiano y con mucha prisa, le dice al que atiende el bar:
“�Deme tres whiskeys bien r�pido, pero bien r�pido!”
El barman se los empieza a servir, y le pregunta: “�Cual es la prisa?”
“Si usted tuviera lo que yo tengo, tambi�n tendr�a prisa por acabarse los tragos.”
“�Y qu� es lo que tiene usted?”
“�S�lo tengo 50 centavos!”
Pulled Over
A cop pulls over a car that’s been swerving across the lanes of a road.”Get out of the car, please.” “But I’m not drunk, officer!” “Listen, it doesn’t matter if you’re drunk or not. If you don’t get out of this car, I’ll arrest you anyway.” “Fine,” says the man and gets out of the car.”Okay, now walk this yellow line.” The man looks at the line.”Which one of them do I walk on?”
What is God?
One morning at church, the pastor was preaching about what God was and wasn’t.
He said “God is neither white, nor black. God is neither male nor female.”
After hearing all this, a curious 5 year old turned to his dad and asked -“Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?”
Se encuentran un chino un
Se encuentran un chino un norteamericano y un tontiland�s viajando por el desierto, cuando de pronto se descompone el coche en que viajaban.
Sin mas remedio deciden que tendr�n que terminar el viaje a pie, pero antes de irse el chino propone que cada quien tome una parte del auto que le pudiera ser �til en el camino.
As� el chino toma el radiador, el norteamericano toma el asiento y el gallego la puerta. Despu�s de varias horas deciden tomar un descanso y usar las cosas que hab�an tomado del auto.
Entonces el chino le pregunta al norteamericano:
“�Y t� por qu� trajiste el asiento?”
“Pues lo traje para sentarme en �l cuando me canse.”
“�Y t� por qu� trajiste el radiador?” le pregunta el norteamericano.
“Pues cuando me da sed tomo agua de �l.”
Y los dos le pregunatan al tontiland�s:
“�Y t�, por qu� trajiste la puerta si no sirve de nada?”
Y les contesta:
“Ah, claro que sirve, porque cuando me de calor nada m�s bajo el vidrio y as� entra el airecito.”
The Top 15 Other Grave Mistakes Martha Stewart Has Made
15> Put out a plate of Girl Scout cookies at her 11th birthday party, then told everyone she’d spent all morning baking.
14> Failed to have her people whack Cybill Shepherd before she could star in that terrible NBC biopic.
13> Dressed a 7-Eleven hot dog with Grey Poupon and mango salsa.
12> Didn’t use the melon baller on her weaselly little stockbroker when she had the chance.
11> Tarragon in bouillabaisse? ARE YOU *MAD*, WOMAN?!?
10> On one occasion, in a momentary lapse, allowed her cold stare to rise to above 32 degrees.
9> Dedicated an entire show to sphincter-tightening exercises.
8> The Danvers Opening was expected, but then attempting to transform it into a Gunderam Attack was just suicide!
7> Sent a congratulatory case of champagne to Sammy Sosa when he hit his 500th home run.
6> Once disciplined staff with a white garotte after Labor Day.
5> Forgot that it’s red wine with illegal stock trading, white wine with accounting fraud.
4> Giant floral centerpiece on her dining room table is made entirely of old, unpaid parking citations.
3> Accidentally voted for Buchanan in ’00.
2> Spent many wasted years pining away for Richard Chamberlain.
1> Wore a camouflage dress to her high school prom.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Lottery win
Two Irishmen had just won $500,000 in a lottery.
Having a pint in a pub Tim say to Sean, “What about all them beggin letters? “
Sean replies, “We’ll just keep sending them.”