Buckwheat joined the Nation of Islam…
His new name is Kareem of Wheat.
Author: admin
Thoughts on Marriage
NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands?
SAGE : Clever men don’t BECOME husbands!
A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law `etter than I like mine.”
WIFE : The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie.
HUSBAND: Which is this?
NEWLYWED: Do you want dinner?
SPOUSE : Sure, what are my choices?
NEWLYWED: Yes and no.
The word ‘stressed’ makes perfect sense when you realize it is ‘desserts’ spelled backwards.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”
A young man was extolling the virtues of his beautiful fiancee. One of his closest friends said to him: “You can’t be serious about marrying Sarah Jane!”
“Why”, he asked. “She’s dated every man in Phoenix.”
The bridegroom-to-be thought awhile and then muttered pensively, “Phoenix isn’t such a big town.”
MRS MURPHY’S LAW: If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong when he’s out of town.
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”
This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife “Pass the sugar, Honey.” and “Pass the honey, Sugar.” He thinks this sort of speech is a good idea. So, in the morning when he and his wife are eating breakfast he says to his wife, “Pass the bacon, Pig.”
First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!” The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money I wouldn’t be here either.”
A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, “Will you buy booze?”
The bum said, “No.”
The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?”
The bum said, “No.”
Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
True Staments
George W. Bush, Al Gore, And Ralph Nader were eating dinner
together when they all had to go to the restroom. Upon entering
the restroom the mirror came alive and said, “Each of you is to
make a statement about yourselves. If it is true you will get
whatever use want and if it is false you will be cast into the
pit of eternal torment.”
Ralph Nader went first and said, “I Think I am very
environmentally concerned.” And instantly got a million dollars.
Al Gore went next and said, “I think I think I have had a lot of
experience with a high office,” and got a new car.
George W. went next. He said, “I think…” and was instantly
sucked into the pit.
The Top 16 Signs Your Doctor’s Degree Is Bogus (Part II)
16> Your gynecologist begins every exam with a hearty “Open sesame!”
15> His diploma states that he holds a “Doctor of Love” degree from Beaver State University.
14> He decides to share his “lubrication is for wussies” theory just before your prostate exam begins.
13> Closer inspection of his diploma reveals the “As Seen on TV” logo and Sally Struthers’s signature.
12> His office is his ’75 Nova and he invites you to the back seat for some medical marijuana.
11> He insists that the most important parts of a pelvic exam are “looking and tasting.”
10> Colin Powell authenticates his diploma by reviewing it on a large projector screen, pointing out conclusive evidence of its authenticity.
9> Prostate exams should not include shots of tequila “to loosen you up a bit.”
8> As you remove your shirt at his request, your dermatologist screams, “Yuck!! Is that a mole?!?”
7> He has a copy of “Dre’s Anatomy” on his shelf.
6> Concerning your 103-degree fever and hacking cough, Dr. al-Sahhaf says, “The infidel viral dogs have never entered your gates. The sounds you hear are the screams of them committing mass suicide at your sweat glands.”
5> He tells you it’s cheaper to make your own colostomy bag with Ziploc bags and duct tape.
4> After giving you a rectal exam, he insists on lying next to you on the exam table and whispering the results in your ear.
3> When you tell him you think you have a staph infection, he says, “Hell, bring ’em all in — I could use the extra business.”
2> Asks if you’ve considered “putting Grandpa down.”
1> Spends all 13 hours of labor shouting “Can you hear me now?” between your wife’s legs.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
stupid blonde
how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?1001 1 to hold the bulb and a thousand to turn the building
Pap� can�bal y su peque�o
Pap� can�bal y su peque�o caminan por la selva. En eso, pasa un avi�n y el antropofaguito, sorprendido, le pregunta:
“Pap�, pap�, �Qu� es eso?”
“�Ah, mi querub�n, eso ser un p�jaro volador de acero!”
“�Y eso se come, papi?”
“S�lo lo de adentro mi hijo, s�lo lo de adentro”.
Hell’s Tortures
A guy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment.
The first room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room.
The next room has a middle aged guy being tortured with fire.
The new guy immediately asks to see the third room.
It has a really old guy chained to the wall getting a blow job from a gorgeous blonde.
The guy jumps at the chance and selects that room.
The devil walks into the room taps the blonde on the shoulder and says “Okay, you can stop now you’ve been relieved.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
WANTED: Meaningful
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore. So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. All men are idiots….I married their king. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs. Out of my mind…Back in five minutes. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
The Deaf Mute Golfer
A man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read, “I am a deaf mute. May I play through, please?”
The first man angrily gave the card back, and communicated, “No, he may not play through, and his handicap does not give him such a right.”
The first man whacked the ball onto the green and left to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball, laying him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other holding up 4 fingers.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four hundred and sixty-two:
- Twelve to investigate Clinton’s involvement in the failure of the old bulb,
- twenty-three to deregulate the light bulb industry,
- sixteen to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D,
- thirty-four to cut the tax rate on light bulbs,
- fifty-three to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb,
- forty-one to talk with defense contractors about night-vision gear instead,
- and two hundred and eighty-three to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs (or screwing anything), on the Internet.
Happiness is a positive cash
Happiness is a positive cash flow.
The Preist and the Nun
A priest and a Nun were lost in the desert, riding on a camel. All of a sudden, the camel dies, and their only transportation is gone.
The nun and the Priest are now doomed to die, and they decide to just sit and talk and confess some things…during their conversations, they come across the subject of sex.
The Nun then shyly speaks, “I am a virgin, and have never seen what is between a man’s legs”. So the Priest, being pretty confident about his size, whips it out, and tells her, “This is a tool…the tool that gives life”.
The nun thinks for awhile, and says – “well then Mr, how about you shove that thing up that dead camel’s ass!”