Author: admin

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn’t a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Un tipo que viajaba en avi�n estaba en necesidad urgente de usar el ba�o. A cada intento de utilizarlo, lo encontraba ocupado. La sobrecargo, consciente de su necesidad le sugiri� que utilizara el ba�o de damas, pero le advirti� que se abstuviera de apretar los botones.

Eran 4 botones marcados con las letras AT, AC, TA y RAT.

Cometiendo el fatal error de muchos hombres de desatender lo que una mujer les dice, decidi� probar los botones para satisfacer su enorme curiosidad. Cuidadosamente apret� el primer bot�n marcado con AT e inmediatamente un chorro de AGUA TIBIA roci� su parte baja y pens�: “Caramba, qu� bien la pasan las mujeres”.

Curioso, apret� el segundo bot�n marcado con AC e inmediatamente una corriente de AIRE CALIENTE sec� suavemente su parte baja y pens�: “Caramba, todo esto parece de otro mundo”.

Su curiosidad lo llev� a apretar el tercer bot�n con TA e inmediatamente un TALQUEADOR AUTOM�TICO empolv� su parte baja con un oloroso y suave talco.

La estaba pasando tan bien que naturalmente apret� el cuarto bot�n marcado con RAT.

Cuando despert� en el hospital, muy asustado llam� a la enfermera y le pregunt�: “�qu� es lo que pas�?, lo �ltimo que recuerdo es que estaba en el ba�o de damas de un avi�n.”

La enfermera contest�: “Claro, usted la estaba pasando tan bien, hasta que apret� el bot�n RAT para activar el REMOVEDOR AUTOM�TICO DE TAMPONES (TAMPAX)… pero no se preocupe, su pene est� debajo de la almohada.”

NEWS ITEM: Polish air disaster

Poland’s Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152
plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.

Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 326 bodies so far and expect
that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

For a long time, Mary had a fantasy of making love with an [ethnic] man.
One night, when she was in a bar, she met a handsome [ethnic] who appeared
to be well-hung, so she figured, what the hell, she’d go for it. So Mary
asked
the fellow to come home with her.

When the two got to Mary’s apartment, Mary told the [ethnic] about her
fantasy,
and asked if he would be a part of it. Well, the [ethnic], of course,
agreed,
so the two headed for Mary’s bedroom. When they got there, Mary said, “Ok,
first, I want you to undress me and tie me to the bed!” So the [ethnic] did
so. By this time, Mary was worked into a passionate frenzy. She looked up
at the [ethnic] and said, “Now, big boy, do what you do best!”

So the [ethnic] picked up her VCR and left.

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?

She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, ‘Going to a party ?’

‘Yeah,’ the man answered, ‘I’m supposed to come dressed as my love life.’

‘But you look like Abe Lincoln.’ protested the barkeep.

‘That’s right. My last four scores were seven years ago.’