A man goes to his doctor and says, ?I don?t think my wife?s hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?? The doctor replies, ?Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn?t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.? The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, ?What?s for dinner, honey?? He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Again, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, ?Honey, what?s for supper?? She screams, ?For the fourth time, I said chicken, you deaf bastard!?
Author: admin
Lip Stick Remover
There was a man who woke up one morning with a red ring around his member. Astonished he panicked and hurried to the emergency room.
The Doctor looked at it and gave the man some lotion to rub on it twice a day, if no results come back tomorrow. This went on for three days when a new nurse happened to be in the same ER. She asked if she could suggest something. The Dr. at his wit’s end because he wasn’t able to cure the problem, agreed to let the nurse try her hand.
The nurse gave the man a smelly lotion and said rub it very gently on his member before he when to bed. The man went home and followed her instructions.
The very next day came back happy as a lark! He found the nurse and Doctor and thanked them for all they’re help.
As the man left, the Dr. turned to the nurse and asked what was the miracle lotion?
The nurse smiled and replied, “Lip stick remover.”
Every morning is the dawn
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
air force colonel and sex
A crusty old air force colonel finds himself at a gala event
hosted by a local arts college. There is no shortage of young,
idealistic ladies in attendace, one of whom approaches the
colonel for conversation.
“Excuse me,” says the woman, “but you seem to be a very serious
man. Is something botheing you?”
“No,” the colonel says, “I’m just serious by nature.”
The young lady looks at his awards and decorations and says, “It
looks like you’ve seen a lot of action.”
“Yes, a lot of action,” replies the colonel.
“Look,” says the girl, angry at this unconversational nature.
“You should lighten up a little. Relax. Enjoy yourself.”
When the colonel replies that he already is, the girl snaps.
“Stop being so formal!!” she shouts.”I mean, when was the last
time you had sex?”
The colonel looks at her. “well, that would have to be 1955,” he
replies.
The girl cackles in triumph. “That’s it,” she laughs. “You’ve
got got a hang up about sex. You need to chill out! No sex since
1955! Isn’t that a little extreme?”
“Oh I don’t know,” says the colonel,glancing at his watch.
“It’s only 2130 now.”
Gas Grill
A couple had been married 15 years. One afternoon they were working in the garden together.
As the wife was bending over pulling weeds the husband said, “Hey honey, you are getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it’s as big as the gas grill now.”
The husband feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yardstick, measured the grill and then measured his wife’s butt.
“Yep,” he said, “Just what I thought, just about the same size.”
The wife got very incensed and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn’t speak to her husband the rest of the day.
That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, “How about it, hon? How about a little lovemaking?”
The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. “What’s the matter?” he asked.
To which she replied, “You don’t think I’m going to fire up this big gas grill for one little weenie, do you?”
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Curtis
Latest News on the Scandal
In the aftermath of the initial administration responses to the breaking
story, it seems apparent that Mr. Clinton has left a bad taste in Lewinsky’s
mouth. A growing majority is finding the President’s story hard to swallow,
noting that it appears quite evident that Monica was influenced by some sort of
Presidential �gag order.�
The First Lady, the recognized steward of the President’s power base, is
reported to be afraid that Lewinsky has blown everything. Vernon Jordan is
reported to have suggested that Ms. Lewinsky approach the President with a stiff
upper lip for the time being, and is quite upset at how much damage her wagging
tongue seems to have done.
Meanwhile, the White House staff is engaged in a furious search for Richard
Nixon’s tape erasing machine, last seen on loan to the offices of the Rose Law
Firm in Little Rock. In an effort of goodwill, however, the administration has
extended an invitation to Ms. Lewinsky for an exclusive guided tour of the
Capital City’s national parks one night next week.
Ms. Lewinsky’s attorney has chided the mainstream media for taking out of
context a comment by her close friends that she once said, �she wanted to head
the Oval Office someday.� Defending his client as a victim, he said that �…
this oral sex thing really has her choked up, you know.�
Mr. Starr, the independent prosecutor investigating the case, remains unmoved,
and has made it clear that to avoid criminal liability she, Ms. Lewinsky will be
required to give a complete blow-by-blow description of her relationship with
Mr. Clinton.
Chelsea Clinton, when asked for her opinion of the woman who stands to
dethrone her father, simply replied, �She sucks!�
In a related story, a truck bomb scare in the front driveway of the White
House resulted in the evacuation of the building until Secret Service agents
ascertained that the Ryder van parked in the drive was just Tipper Gore waiting
out front with her furniture….
Artificial Intelligence
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A: Artificial Intelligence!
Wood
How much wood, would a red naked chick if a red naked could chick wood.
Debate about the box
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it’s a pretty good working solution. “No no,” says the physicist, “there’s a better way.” He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.Then the mathematician speaks up: “No, no, there’s an even better way.” To the others’ amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:”I define myself to be on the outside.”
ASIA IS A NAME OF PERSON
THERE IS A GUY IM MY COOKING CLASS WHO WSA BORN IN U.S.A BUT HIS PARENTS COME FROM KOREA.THERE IS THIS GIRL WHOSE NAME IS ASIA.ONE DAY THE TEACHER WAS TAKING ATTENDANCE AND NO RESPONSE CAME FROM THE GIRL NAME ASIA SO ONE OF THE BOYS TOLD THE TEACHER THE GUY WHOSE PARENTS COME FROM ASIA KNOW WHERE IT IS
Fur Fortune
Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt.”Good work!” says the bartender. He pops the cash register open, pulls out a wad of bills, and counts them out into the rancher’s outstretched hand.After the rancher leaves, Mike asks the bartender, “What was that all about?”The barkeep says, “Haven’t you boys heard? We got us a real wolf problem in these parts, and the county ain’t done a thing about it. Why, just last week, a pack of the damn varmints come onta my property and laid waste t’my chicken coop. Ol’ Man Miller down the road even lost four of his cattle to the bloodthirsty beasts! They’re vicious, and they got no fear — and they gotta be stopped. So I’m offerin’ a bounty — a hundred dollars to anybody who brings in a wolf pelt.”Mike and Bill look at each other, and immediately race out of the bar to go hunt wolves.After wandering around the hills for several hours, they finally spot a lone wolf in the distance. Mike takes aim with his rifle and shoots the wolf dead. The two fellas sprint over to where the carcass lay, and Mike gets busy with the pelt.Suddenly, Bill says, “Hey, Mike, look.””Not now,” says Mike, “I’m busy.”Bill tugs on Mike’s sleeve and says, “Mike, I think you *really* ought to see this.””Not now!” Mike says again.”Can’t you see I’ve got a hundred dollars in my hands?”Bill’s voice starts to waver.”Mike, please, just look!”Mike stops what he’s doing and looks up: The two men are surrounded by a pack of wolves — at least fifty in all, every one of them growling, drooling, gnashing their teeth, and licking their chops.Mike takes in the sight and gasps: “Oh, my God… We’re gonna be rich!”
What Do You Call A S
What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever