What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?
A Space Invader.
Author: admin
If everything seems to go
If everything seems to go right, check your zipper.
Off Duty
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, ”Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.””Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, ”Say,” said the druggist, ”I know you – aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?””Yeah, so?” said the officer. ”Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?”
Who lit the fuse on
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
Three people in a plane
thier were three people that jumped out of a plane a blond santa clause and a brunet whick one landed first?the brunet because it is the only one true
Dos argentinos llegan a Lima
Dos argentinos llegan a Lima un d�a domingo, y se van a misa. El p�rroco los escucha conversando, y comienza su misa:
“Hermanos… ustedes saben que Mar�a Magdalena era una ramera, una p�cora, la �nica que hizo dudar a nuestro se�or Jesucristo… pues bien, �Mar�a Magdalena era argentina!”
Los dos argentinos se miraron indignados y decidieron regresar el siguiente domingo a misa. Ese d�a, el p�rroco empieza su serm�n:
“Hermanos… cuando nuestro se�or Jesucristo fue acusado, Poncio Pilatos decidi� condenarlo y se lav� las manos… pues bien, �Poncio Pilatos era argentino!”
Irritados, los dos argentinos se fueron a buscar al obispo y le contaron lo sucedido. Este asegur� que reprender�a al cura ese mismo d�a. Satisfechos, los argentinos regresaron nuevamente a misa, y se sentaron en primera fila, esperando:
“Hermanos…”, dijo el cura. “Hoy vamos a hablar de la �ltima cena… Jes�s al saberse traicionado les dijo a sus ap�stoles: Yo s� que uno de ustedes me traicionar� ma�ana… uno de ustedes que hoy come conmigo me vender� por monedas de plata… y ese uno �eres t�, Judas! Entonces Judas se par� y dijo: �Che Jes�s, cada vez que tom�s te la agarr�s conmigo!”
In a Bag
There were two gay guys on a bed. The first guy gets up and
starts dressing. The other guy says, “what are you doing?”
“I’m getting ready for work.” The guy on the bed takes a bag and
starts wacking off. The dressing guy says, “What are you doing?”
“I’m making your lunch.”
Timberland
A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon.
There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts.
In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded, “What took you so long?”
He smiled and then told her, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I am sorry, because they all turned me down!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
yo house
your house so small i threw a rock and hit everybody
Monks day off
One day three monks were told by the minister that today was their day off, to
do whatever they want, and at the end of the day, god would forgive them of
their sins.
The monks thought this sounded like a good idea so they went off into the
city.
At the end of the day the three monks returned to the church and the minister
greeted them.
The first monk came up, and the minister asked, “What did you do today”. The
monk replied “I robbed an off-license.”
“Good” the minister replied. “Go and drink from the holy water”.
The second monk came up and the minister asked the same question. “I
vandalized a primary school” he answered.
“Good” the minister replied. “Go and drink from the holy water”.
The third monk stepped up and the minister repeated “and what did you do
today”. “I pissed in the holy water”, came the reply.
The Top 15 Signs You’ve Caught the Chicken Flu
15. Fever – check; chills – check; uncontrollable urge to defecate on the windshield of your neighbor’s Ford Escort – check.
14. Mom makes you a nice hot bowl of human soup.
13. You feel a darkening in the force, as though a million little chicken souls were suddenly snuffed out.
12. You just served your kids regurgitated cornmeal for dinner again.
11. You have the strange urge to smother your breasts with spaghetti sauce & parmesan cheese.
10. You lose your job at the drive-thru when you start asking customers, “Would you like some gravel with that?”
9. Only medicines that help at all are Kaopecktate and NyQuill.
8. Showing your pecker in public no longer results in an embarrassing arrest.
7. Sudden irrational fear of hot sauce and blue cheese dressing.
6. Your new marketing plan wasn’t the only thing that laid an egg at the staff meeting.
5. You find yourself coughing up Lung McNuggets.
4. Receptionist buzzes you with “Five cleaver-wielding Chinese officials to see you, sir.”
3. That annoying rooster on the neighbor’s farm now seems, well, kinda sexy.
2. Suddenly, you’re deliriously happy to work for chicken feed.
1. Suicidal urge to climb into a hot tub full of boiling teriyaki sauce or a big plastic bag of Shake ‘n’ Bake.
Yo mama
yo mama so fat when she went to the cinema she sat next to everyone