A popular whore house was visited by a lesbian.
The lesbian requested a 15 year old, and the madam replied “I’m sorry, we
don’t serve minors to lickers.”
Author: admin
Roll your own tampons
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles…the salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?”
He answers, “You see, it’s like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure that if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!”
Excuses for Sleeping on the Job
10 best excuses when you get caught falling asleep on your desk:
10. “They told me at the blood bank this might happen.”
9. “This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in
that time management course you sent me to.”
8. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably
got here just in time!”
7. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new paradigm.”
6. “I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.”
5. “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who
practice Yoga?”
4. “Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem.”
3. “The coffee machine is broken…”
2. “Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot…”
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
desk…
1. ” … in Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Blind Herbie
Little Herbie had been blind since birth. One day at bedtime, his mother told him that the next day was a very special one. If he prayed extra hard, he’d be able to see when he woke up in the morning.
The next morning she came into Herbie’s room to make sure he’d prayed hard the night before.
‘Well then, open your eyes and you’ll know that your prayers have been answered.’
Little Herbie opened his eyes, only to cry out, ‘Mother! Mother! I still can’t see!’
‘I know, dear,’ said his mother. ‘April Fool!’
Lunch Anyone??
There was a japanese,hawaiian,and portugese men. They were all
working on a building when the lunch bell rung. All three men
sit down and open their lunch boxes.
The japanese man opens his lunch box and says Ah..man if I get
spam musubi again I am going to jump of this building.
The hawaiian man opens his lunch box and says ah..man if I get
lau lau again I am going to jump of this building.
The portugese man opens his lunchbox and says Ah.. man if I get
a tuna sandwich again I’ll jump of the building.
The next day while the three men were working on the building
the lunch bell rang. They all sit down and open their lunch
boxes.
The japanese man says yes I did not get the same thing for lunch
I won’t jump of the building.
The hawaiian man says all right I didn’t get the same thing for
lunch,now I don’t have to jump of the building.
The portugese man holds up a tuna sandwitch from his lunch box,
then he jumps of the building.
The hawaiian man was laughing then the japanese man asks why he
was laughing.
The japanese man says I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.
Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle
1.Being told to “Think outside the Box” when I’m in a box all day!
2.Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is
behind me.
3.Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
4.That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a
piece of cheese.
5.Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
6.My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
7.Women: Darned near impossible to adjust your bra or slip without comment.
Men: Co-workers tend to stare when you take your pants off.
8.23 power cords, 1 outlet.
9.Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
10.When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
11.Can’t slam the door when you quit and walk out.
The Mushroom
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve mushrooms here.”
The mushroom says, “Why?! I’m a fun guy!”
A weird riddle
There were two mothers and two daughters.They went to a bike shop.Each of them bought a bike for themselves.But, when they cameout there were only 3 people with bikes!How can this be if there were no two seater bikes?
Answer:There was a grandmother, who was a mother of the mother of the daughter.I know it sounds confusing, but read it a few times and you will get it!Email this to your friends!
The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife…
The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers,
hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for
alligators while in Osceola, Polk, Manatee, Orange and Dade Counties.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on
their clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly.
They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with
an alligator.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity.
People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and
large adult alligator droppings.
Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly
bird feathers.
Adult alligators droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper
spray.
Pinoccio
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinoccio’s nose?
“Tell a lie.”
Losing a wife
Losing a wife can be hard.
In my case, it was almost impossible.
Dad Pays Surprise Visit…
The Father, passing thru the son’s college town late one night on a business
trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy.
Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door.
After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second
floor window. “Whaddya want?”
“Does Jimmy Duncan live here?” asked the father.
�? Yeah!” replied the voice. “Dump him on the front porch and we’ll take care
of him in the morning.”