Author: admin

It was medical graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.”Let’s try to make this look natural,” she said.”Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.”The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand on my wallet?”

1.Smear blood all over your white coat and stand out in the
store.When someone ask’s for your assistance,say in your most
gruesome voice “I don’t work here”
2.Pull your hand up through your sleeve until it disappears,walk
out into a crowd of customers,grab a roast and say”I hope I have
better luck this time”
3.When someone brings you a piece of meat that they want
cut,bring it to your machine,flip the switch and scream at the
top of your lungs
4.Name every piece of meat you display,talk to it like a
pet,scratch it,and say things like “See all better now” and
“Well Bob,Ol’ buddy-It was sure nice knowing ya”
5.Put a diaper on the rump roast
6.Splash warm water in your eyes,so it looks like you’re
crying,carry a whole chicken out into the store,look at anyone
in sight and say”Lung Cancer”-Better yet,use a smoked chicken in
that case
7.When someone asks you to cut the cheese,tighten up your
stomach muscles until your face gets really red,exhale and say
“Sorry,come back after lunch”
8.Set a chicken out into the middle of the floor,reach down and
roll it,as it’s rolling say “Get back here”
9.When you see someone buying hamburger,show them a package of
Tripe Menudo,and say “Here,the stomach will go great with that”
10.Display chicken feet,hound everyone to try one,the smell
alone will make them puke.
11.When asked to cut the bologna,look really discouraged,cry if
you can,and walk away like a pouty 5 year old
12.Snort like a pig when working with ham,say things like “She’s
a live one”–and “Someone wanna give this beauty a new home”
13.Bring your dog to work.Walk him into your work room,turn on
any loud machine,and then return to the store carrying nothing
but his collar,when people give you that puzzled look,say “He
was old”
14.Your bloody coat allows you to look mental,take advantage of
this-feel free to say things like “8 years gone because of that
bitch” and
“I’m hearing those voices again”
15.Wait on imaginary customers
16.Place a sign on your whole country ham that says
$11.99—Good with Children
17.Go to work with a live chicken in one hand,and a chainsaw in
the other.
18.Offer every lady to try your slab of meat
19.Take a hammer to a piece of steak and beat the hell out of
it.When someone courious enough to ask wonders what the hell
you’re doing say “Look man,I don’t like beating my meat in
public,but it does relieve tention”
20.Whenever you have to fart,rush out and grab a rump
roast–just say “It’s still a little gassy”

The moon shone silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper, “Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?”Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable.”Of course you are!” she said.”And also the best too. I don’t know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions.”

Morris the jeweller called the police station to report a robbery.”You’ll never believe what happened, Officer. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewellery and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away.” The desk sergeant said, “Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?” “What’s the difference?” asked Morris.”Well,” said the sergeant, “an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears.””Come to think of it, I couldn’t see his ears,” said the jeweller.”He had a stocking over his head.”

– Sabr�s que ser� un mal d�a cuando tu hermana gemela olvide tu cumplea�os.

– Sabr�s que ser� un mal d�a cuando te quieras poner la ropa de fiesta que usaste en la fiesta de ayer en la noche y descubras que nunca existi� esa ropa.

– Sabr�s que ser� un mal d�a cuando llames a la polic�a para suicidarte y te digan: Esp�rese un momento por favor.

– Sabr�s que ser� un mal d�a cuando te despiertes durmiendo boca abajo en el suelo.

– Sabr�s que tendr�s un mal d�a cuando te pongas el sujetador al rev�s y te encaje mejor.

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.

“What the hell are you supposed to be?” asked the host.

“A premature ejaculation.” said the man “I just came in my pants!”