Author: admin

April 30th: Florida is fantastic! Just got here and love it already. Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.

May 14th: Really heating up. Got to 89 today. Not a problem, live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 5th: Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. NO MORE SHOVELING SNOW EITHER! Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 1st: The temperature hasn’t been below 90 all week, not even at night. Where are those ocean breezes we heard about, still seems hot. Getting used to it will take a while, I guess. I sure miss my LP collection, though. I’ll have to remember not to leave anything made out of plastic in my car. Got one of those fuzzy steering wheel covers, Cheaper than the burn ointment for my hands. I always wondered what burnt flesh smelled like.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like

this.

July 20th: I miss our cat, Tabby. He snuck into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, he’d swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and just as I opened the door he exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids he ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and poop. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th: Ocean breezes, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts. Only hope for a break in the heat would be a hurricane.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Swatting the swamp mosquitos that are as big as B-52’s. $1,500 in darn house payments and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug 4th: 100 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. The electric bill is almost as much as the house payment. And two old lady drivers almost ran me off the road. I hate this state.

Aug 8th: If another wise jerk cracks, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m going to tear his head off. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted Garfield!!

Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot two #@*& months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. And who came up with the statement ‘it may be hot, but at least you don’t have to shovel it’ should die from heat exhaustion. Doesn’t it ever rain in this God forsaken place??

Aug 14th: Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 102 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Mercedes. The installer came to fix it and said, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.

Aug 30th: Worst day of the summer. I’m not leaving the house. The monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell and drove the damned roaches out of the ground. I wasn’t aware they could fly! The Mercedes is now floating somewhere in the Caribbean with its new $500 windshield.

That does it, we’re moving back to Chicago where all you have to worry about is getting mugged. I hope this state breaks in half and floats down to Cuba!

Unos periodistas entrevistan a la madame de un puticlub de superlujo frecuentado por los altos cargos pol�ticos.

Periodista: �Qu� tal se portan los pol�ticos en la cama?

Madame: Bien, bien. �No culean nada mal!

P: �Y viene gente importante?

M: Todos los peces gordos.

P: �Y que tal pagan?

M: En general bastante bien… Bueno, Pujol siempre est�: ��Mmmjjjj manden la factura a la Generalitat �eh?, la pela es la pela�; pero acaban pagando bien.

P: �Y Arzallus viene mucho por aqu�?

M: �se es el que menos viene.

P: �Cada cu�nto?

M: Pues viene de tarde en tarde; saluda a su madre y enseguida se va.

There’s three people in a car ,there’s Sh*t ,Shut up,and
Manners.So Sh*t falls out of the car and Manners goes to get
him. So now Shut up is driving the car ,he gets pulled over by a
cop. The cop says “what’s you’re name” he says,”Shut up” he
askes again,”what’s your name he says,”Shut up” the cop says,”
hey wheres you’re manners” , he says,”he’s over there picking up
SH*t.

El once ha pasado a ser un n�mero inquietante. Podr�is decir que es casualidad forzada o simplemente una tonter�a, pero lo que est� claro es que hay cosas al menos interesantes. Y es que el mundo cuando confabula, confabula de verdad…

1) New York City tiene 11 letras.

2) Afghanistan tiene 11 letras.

3) “The Pentagon” o “El Pent�gono” tienen 11 letras, EN ESPA�OL E INGLES.

4) Ramsin Yuseb (Terrorista que atent� contra las torres gemelas en 1993) tiene 11 letras.

5) George W. Bush tiene 11 letras.

6) El c�digo de �rea para llamadas a IRAK es 119, que sumado da 1+1+9=11.

Hasta aqu�, meras coincidencias o casualidades forzadas. Ahora empieza lo interesante…

1) Nueva York es el estado n�mero 11 de la Uni�n Americana.

2) El primero de los vuelos estrellados contra las Torres Gemelas era el n�mero 11.

3) El vuelo 11 llevaba a bordo 92 personas, que sumando las cifras dan 9+2= 11.

4) El vuelo 77, que tambi�n se estrell�, llevaba a bordo 65 personas, que sumando dan 6+5 = 11.

5) La tragedia tuvo lugar el 11 de septiembre, es decir, el 11 del 9, que sumado da 1+1+9=11.

6) La fecha coincide con el n�mero de emergencia estadounidense el 911. Que sumado 9+1+1=11.

Y aqu� empieza lo inquietante…

1) Las v�ctimas totales que fallecieron en los aviones son 254. 2+5+4=11.

2) El d�a 11 de Septiembre, es el d�a n�mero 254 del a�o. 2+5+4=11.

3) A partir del 11 de septiembre restan 111 d�as para que finalice el a�o.

4) El famoso Nostradamus (11 letras) profetiza la destrucci�n de Nueva York en la centuria n�mero 11 de sus versos… Tenebroso �verdad?

Pero lo m�s chocante de todo es que si nos fijamos en las torres gemelas, nos damos cuenta de que sin duda ten�an forma de un gigantesco n�mero 11.

1. Element Name: WOMANIUM
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (Don’t even go there)

Physical Properties: Generally soft and round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly. Very Bitter if not used well.

Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

***************
2. Element Name: MANIUM

Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to create electricity.

Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with any WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: CHILDIUM) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Submitted by BreeBrown
Edited by Tantilazing