There was these three people a Canidan, a Newfoundlander and a Chineese man. They had to try to take it half way around the world with it using the bathroom. The Canidan did not do it. The Newfoundlander did not do it. The Chineese did it. The person asked him how he did it. He said Me Chineese me no dumb me stick finger up his bum.
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Knock KnockWho’s there?Paris!Paris who?Paris the
Knock KnockWho’s there?Paris!Paris who?Paris the thought!
what do you call a fat man geting a hot girl…
what do you call a fat man geting a hot girl
the day that pigs fly
The Bryant Gumbel farewell garnered
The Bryant Gumbel farewell garnered the highest. “Today Show” ratings in
seven years. “It just goes to show that if you give the viewers what they
want, they’ll tune in,” says Bob Mills.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!
Why can’t blondes drive faster than 68?
Because at 69 they blow a rod…
Why do blonds where underwear?
Why do blondes where underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Swede!Swede who?Swede smell
Knock KnockWho’s there?Swede!Swede who?Swede smell of success!
Female Hormones in B
Two men were in a pub. One man said, ”Did you know that beer contains female hormones?” The other man said, ”No! Is it true?” ”Yes,” said the first man. ”If you drink too much, you start talking crap and you drive terribly.”
Look out below�
Once there was 3 golfers, and there was this animal called a foo bird Legends said that if it shits on you and you wipe it off you will die. Well they were out golfing, when all of a sudden a foo shitted on the first guy, he wiped it off, and the next day he died.The next day another guy did the same after being shitted on.The following day the 3rd guy went to play alone, and it shit on him, but he didn’t wipe it off.He lived to be 104 years oldMoral: If the foo shits, wear it.
Rescued
A fireman climbs up to the bedroom window of a burning house and finds a gorgeous blonde in a see through nightie.
“Aha! You’re the second pregnant girl I’ve rescued this year!”
“I’m not pregnant!” the blonde exclaims.
“You’re not rescued yet either.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Adult Resignation
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again.
I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So….here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause, “Tag! You’re It!”