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John

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One day John was at the doctor trying to quit smoking.”now”said the doctor “the nurse will come with ciggares you say blah”.when the nurse came John said”blah”.”purfect”said the doctor.Suddenly John took a ciggar and lit it.What are you doing?”asked the doctor”what was that blah for then?”.”for the nurse” replied John.

Couple

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There’s this couple and they’ve been dating for quite some time. He wants her really bad, but she won’t sleep with him because she’s saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their thing, he’s very hot and bothered, and he said, “Oh come on, just a feel.”

She said, “No, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

They went back and forth. He said, “Just one feel, I promise, that’s all, just one feel.”

She finally agreed, “Okay, just one feel, but that’s all, just one, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, “Can’t we please?”

She of course states, “NO, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

He says, “Please, please?” and she says, “No, absolutely not, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

He says, “How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?”

She says, “No way, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

He begs and pleads with her, “I promise, just the tip, no more,and we’ll stop after that.”

She finally gives in, “Okay, but just the tip, no more, and that’s all.”

He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in… he’s so hot and ready that he can’t control himself shoves it the whole way in and starts going to town… she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts, “OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE WAY IN!”

A little stunned, he says, “NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!”

Interesting Facts

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1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is
“screeched.”

2. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters
“mt”

3. Almonds are members of the peach family.

4. The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe.

5. The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.

6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.

7. The word “set” has more definitions than any other word in
the English language.

8. “Underground” is the only word in the English language that
begins and ends with the letters “und.”

9. There are only four words in the English language which end
in “-dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

10. The longest word in the English language, according to the
Oxford English Dictionary, is
pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is its
plural: pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosesl.

12. The longest place-name still in use is
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukup
okaiwe-nuakit natahu, a New Zealand hill.

13. Los Angeles’s full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la
Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula” and can be abbreviated to
3.63% of its size,L.A.

14. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

16. Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button. It was
eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.

18. Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy.

19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint – no two lions
have the same pattern of whiskers.

21. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

23. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that
contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters,
“therein”: the,there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein,
herein.

24. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are
registered blood donors.

26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

27. It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

28. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a
fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.

30. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy
Bezopasnosti

31. ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest English word that is typed
with only the left hand.

33. The combination “ough” can be pronounced in nine different
ways; the following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated,
dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of
Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and
hiccoughed.”

34. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without
repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

35. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the
correct order, as does arsenious, meaning “containing arsenic.”

36. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the
Australian seal for that reason.

37. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only
have about ten.

38. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase
“Shah Mat,” which means “the king is dead.”

39. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the
days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses
were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up
straight staircases.

Seeing the Doctor about Viagra

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This old fellow in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said, “Where are you going?”He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”She replied, “Why, are you sick?””No,” he said, “I’m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”So, his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater when he said, “Where are you going?”She said, “I’m going to the doctor too.”He asked, “Why?”She said, “If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m going to get a tetanus shot.”

Memory lapse

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An agitated patient was stomping around the psychiatrist’s office, running his hands through his hair, almost in tears. ”Doctor, my memory’s gone. Gone! I can’t remember my wife’s name. Can’t remember my children’s names. Can’t remember what kind of car I drive. Can’t remember where I work. It was all I could do to find my way here.” ”Calm down. How long have you been like this?” ”Like what?”