Why can’t Chinese Barbecue?
Because the rice falls through the grill.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Author: admin
Jewish Sons
A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home.
“Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers,” the son said. “It was wonderful and enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity.”
“Oi vey,” replied the father, “what have I done.” So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. “It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated his friend, “I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian.”
So in the tradition of the patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. “It is amazing that you should come to me,” stated the Rabbi, “I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons? Brothers, we must take this to the Lord,” said the Rabbi.
They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, “Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel…”
Miscellaneous yo mama joke
Yo mama so stupid was born on Independence Day and can’t remember her birthday.
the dad
this lady walks in the dentist and said is this gonna hurt and the dentist said “no its just a screw.
Types of computer viruses
Terry Randle virus: Prints “Oh no you don’t” whenever you choose “Abort” from the “Abort, Retry, Fail” message.
Chicken
Why did george bush cross the road?
Because his penis was stuck in the chicken.
Consults with
Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Little Johnny’s Peanut
Little Jenny comes home from playing at Johnny’s house, and says, ”Hey Mom, guess what! Johnny’s got a penis like a peanut!” Mom is understandably confused for a second, then asks, ”What, you mean it’s shaped like a peanut?” ”No silly, it’s salty!”[Editor’s note: Please don’t sue me.]
Tips From Ghosts of Presidents Past
One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. Bush asks: “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?”
“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” Washington advises.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. “Tom,” George asks, “what is the best thing I could do to help the country?”
“Cut taxes and reduce the size of government,” Jefferson advises.
Bush isn’t sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It’s Abraham Lincoln’s ghost. “Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asks. Abe answers flatly, “Go see a play.”
Poker Man
Having a man in your life is like a deck of cards:
You need a heart to love them.
You need a diamond to marry them.
You need a club to beat them.
And you need a spade to bury the bastards.
Scaled Glass Wall
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Lobster and the crab
Once upon a time a humble crab fell in love with Princess Lobster and she with him. They enjoyed an idyllic relationship, but one day Princess Lobster came to Crab in floods of tears saying that King Lobster would not let her see Crab any more.’But why?’ gasped the humble crab.’Daddy says that crabs are too common,’ sobbed the princess. ‘You’re a lower class of crustacean, and anyway, you walk sideways.’ Crab was shattered and scuttled away to drink himself into forgetfulness.That night was the occasion of the great Lobster Ball and lobsters came from far and near for feasting and merrymaking. Princess Lobster, however, sat by her father’s side inconsolable.Suddenly, the doors flew open. It was the humble crab. Slowly, painstakingly, he made his way to the throne – walking dead straight, one claw after another. A silence gathered around the room. All the lobsters’ eyes fell on the intruder. Step by painful straight step he approached until he looked King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush. Finally Crab spoke up:’F***, I’m pissed!’