Brains for Sale

A guy walks into a store to buy brains. He asks the woman behind the counter how much each of the brains cost. They saleswoman tells him, “$5/gram for women’s brains, $20/gram for dog’s brains, and $100/gram for men’s brains.”

So the guy is surprised with the varying prices, and he asks the saleswoman, “How come men’s brain’s are so much more expensive than women’s brains or dog’s brains?”

And the saleswoman replies, “Are you kidding!?!?!?!? Do you know how many men it takes to get a gram of brains????”

Error Codes WIN 98

The Latest Report on Windows98 : New Error Codes Assigned

Winerr 000 – Unexpected Intelligent User Encountered
Winerr 001 – Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly
Winerr 002 – Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet)
Winerr 003 – RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)?
Winerr 004 – Deluxe Error. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error
Winerr 005 – Long File Name Error; Tape Erased to Make Room for Filename
Winerr 006 – Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake crash
Winerr 007 – Alphanumeric Sequence “OS2” Prohibited
Winerr 008 – This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy
Winerr 009 – Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors
Winerr 00A – Non-Microsoft Application Encountered
Winerr 00B – Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement
Winerr 00C – Windows Loaded Correctly This Time
Winerr 00D – User Error; Lemming Not Found
Winerr 00E – Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize
Winerr 00F – Reserved for Future Coding Errors
Winerr 010 – Virus Error – Other Applications Will Be Closed Instead
Winerr 011 – Orwell Not Found; You Must Use MSN
Winerr 012 – Cash Underflow – Credit Card Number Will Be Assimilated
Winerr 013 – Keyboard Error; User Must Learn to Slow Down
Winerr 014 – User Error; Reading License Agreement Mandatory to Continue
Winerr 015 – Error Message Deleted
Winerr 016 – Expected Error Did Not Occur; Attempting to Restart Error
Sequence
Winerr 017 – Multitasking Attempted; System Confused
Winerr 018 – Network Error – Your Crash Will Be Replicated to All Stations
Winerr 019 – Freedom-of-Choice Error; Select a Microsoft Browser To
Continue
Winerr 01A – Insult Detected — Your Bill Gates Joke Will Be Deleted
Winerr 01B – Error Removing Temporary File; a Permanent File Will Be
Substituted
Winerr 01C – Wrong Disk Formatted. Sorry About That.
Winerr 01D – Mandatory Error Inserted to Meet Error Quota
Winerr 01E – Please Insert Your Favorite Error Here
Winerr 01F – Error In Progress; Please Wait….
Winerr 020 – Unknown Error Occurred But Was Lost. Windows Will Try To
Remember
Winerr 021 – Error Parsing Error List; Please Wait For Next Error
Winerr 022 – Upgrade Error; Please Format Your Drive And Reload Everything

The Brass Rat

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After
awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and
$1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, “Thanks, but I’ll
just pay the $10 and pass on the story.” He purchased the brass
rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he
started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he
walked–the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and
still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to
walk out into the water, which he did–and all the rats drowned.
He returned to the store shortly and when he walked in, the
proprietor said, “Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the
story, right?” “No,” replied the man, “I came back to see if you
have any brass lawyers!”

Advice for Suicide

Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl’s old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was already so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.The doctor said, “Your heart would be just below your left breast.”Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Star wars

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal.

Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts.

All this is done with consummate ease – as you might expect from a Jedi Master.

But poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.

Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, ‘Use the forks, Luke.’

Un gerente de una compa��a

Un gerente de una compa��a petrolera ten�a una reunion con los altos ejecutivos de la empresa.

La esposa del gerente le pide que la lleve a la reuni�n para aprender algo. El esposo se niega y le dice: “Noooo, �est�s loca? Esa es una reuni�n muy importante y tu no me representas, eres ordinaria, mal vestida, grosera e imprudente.”

“Anda papi, ll�vame por favor, yo me portar� bien.”

“No, no, no, te dije que no, yo no me voy a arriesgar contigo en esa reuni�n, tu eres muy indiscreta.”

“Anda, papito, ll�vame por favor, te juro que me arreglo bien y no voy a decir nada.”

“Ok, mujer, te voy a llevar pero ponte la peluca amarilla que te regalo tu mam� porque tu tienes ese pelo muy feo. Y recuerda que tienes que ser muy discreta.”

La esposa muy contenta se arregla, se pone el mejor vestido y la peluca amarilla.

En la reunion hab�a una mesa muy larga. Los hombres estaban sentados de un lado y las mujeres del otro, y la esposa queda justo al frente de �l.

Comienza la reuni�n y al cabo de unos minutos, la esposa se empieza a rascar suavemente la peluca detr�s de la oreja, el esposo la v� y le dice en voz baja: “Tienes que ser discreta.”

Contin�a la reuni�n y al poco tiempo la esposa contin�a rasc�ndose la peluca pero m�s fuertemente, el esposo la observa y le abre los ojos y le dice: “�Que pasa? Te dije que fueras discreta.”

La reunion contin�a y la esposa empieza de nuevo a rascarse la peluca, pero esta vez con las dos manos, de una manera muy efusiva, se para de la silla como loca, mueve su cabeza para todos lados…

El esposo se altera, se levanta de la silla y gritando dice: �Pero bueno, mujer, que co�o pasa contigo, te dije que ten�as que tener discreci�n!”

Ella tambi�n alterada le grita: “�Que m�s discreta quieres que sea, si me est� picando el papo y me estoy rascando la peluca!”