Author: admin

Amos & Clarence

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There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other,
who feuded constantly. Amos hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a
chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence.
This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a
bridge across that river. Amos was elated; he told his wife that finally he was
going to get the chance to cross over and whoop Clarence.
He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes.
His wife asked what was wrong, didn’t he intend to go over the bridge and
whoop Clarence?
He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn’t realize
his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: “CLEARANCE 8 FT 3
IN.”

A Blonde Astronaut

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There was a blonde, a red head, and a brunette and they were all up in space. Each girl tried thinking up ways to be better then the other two…The red head said, ” I am going to be the first woman to land on mars.”The brunette said, ” I can beat that, i’ll be the first woman to land on saturn.”The blonde said,” I ‘ll beat both of you, i’ll be the first woman to land on the sun.””How are you going to do that”, asked the other two. “Simple”, said the blonde.”I’ll go at night!”

Hit a Pig

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A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences.
After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, “Boss, I’ve got
a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the
bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling. What should I do?”

“In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in
the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and
throw it in a bush.” The farm worker says okay and signs off.
About 10 minutes later he radios back. “Boss I did what you
said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush.”

“So what’s the problem now?” his Boss snapped.

“The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!”

For Atlanta Falcon Fans!

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A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil. The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity.

At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks. The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved farm back in Georgia.

The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity. At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man,and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Georgia.

At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature for this man to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind. At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, the man was instead singing louder than ever,twirling the sledge hammer like a baton. When the devil asked him why, he was so happy, the man answered,

“Cold day in hell, the Falcons must be in the SuperBowl!”

Un tipo est� cortejando a

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Un tipo est� cortejando a una mujer en un bar. En cierto punto de la conversaci�n le dice:

“�Aceptar�as hacer el amor conmigo por un mill�n de d�lares?”

Despu�s de pensarlo unos segundos, ella responde:

“Por un mill�n s� aceptar�a.”

“�Y por 20 d�lares?”

“�Qu� te pasa?,” responde ella indignada, “�acaso crees que soy una prostituta?”

“Lo que eres ya qued� claro en la primer pregunta. Ahora s�lo es una cuesti�n de precio…”