your mammas so stupid she put on the spannish channel and said god languages change so fast
Author: admin
Wave at her.
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave at her.
Spanish dining
An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty
of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is.
“These, senor,” replied the waiter in broken English, “are the arms of the
bull killed in the ring today.”
The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the dish and thought it was delicious.
So he comes back the next evening and orders the same item. When it is served,
he says to the waiter, “These arms… are much smaller than the ones I had last
night.”
“Yes, senor,” replied the waiter, “You see…the bull, he does not always
lose.
My Wife is Having an
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: ‘I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.’ His second friend says: ‘I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.’ Paddy says: ‘I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.’ Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. ‘No I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.’
The Top 15 Signs Your Personal Hygiene Efforts Are Insufficient
15> Your head lice have constructed condos and are beginning to sell time-shares.
14> Your dog cautiously rolls his flea collar across the room to you.
13> Not only do women say they’d rather be dead than sleep with you, two actually set themselves on fire to make their point.
12> The EPA declares your pants a toxic Superfund site.
11> Neighborhood children take great joy in writing “Please wash me!” in the filth on the back of your neck.
10> Each time you shower, the terror threat level goes down one color.
9> You’ve been permanently banned from the local fish market.
8> When you try to head the soccer ball, it just sticks there.
7> The good news: A co-worker politely tells you there’s something in your beard.
The bad news: It’s a bird’s nest.
6> Pamela Anderson just dumped you for the garbage man.
5> That pesky Odor-Eaters marketing department guy keeps calling, claiming you can be “the Michael Jordan of smelly feet.”
4> You’re awakened from a sound sleep by your cat’s valiant efforts to bury you.
3> Your soap doesn’t just lather, it boils.
2> You easily thwart vampires with the garlic smell emanating from your underwear.
1> Congress is currently deadlocked on allowing oil drilling in the region they’ve dubbed “Jim’s Ass Pimple #3.”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Top Ten Signs Your Grandparents Are Still Sexually Active
10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor. 9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass. 8. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of denture-burn.” 7. Granny found cuffed to her walker. 6. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints. 5. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa’s crotch and claps twice. 4. Your “Grandma” is Anna Nicole Smith. 3. You’ve just seen the photos in the “Beaver Hunt” section of the May issue of Hustler. 2. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies. 1. Kraft-matic adjustable bed set for “doggy style”.
Two men walking down a dirt path.
One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big
potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, ”I got me some chickens for dinner tonight.
Mom… Chicken sure sounds good tonight.”
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
”Well I’ll tell you,” replied the man, ��if you can guess how many chickens
I got in this here sack I’ll give them both to you.”
Two Holes
Why do women have two holes so close together?
In case you miss.
Horses
There was once a farmer who had two horses. But he couldn’t tell
them apart. So he shaved the hair off one. It worked for a while
but then it grew back. So he shaved the tail on the other horse.
It also worked for a while but it grew back too. So he decided
to measure how tall the horses were. Here was his result:
The white horse is one inch taller than the black horse.
Why are you shaking she’s going to eat me.
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she’s going to eat me.
Shine On, You Crazy
How many Frat boys does it take to change a lightbulb? 11… One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins.
Little Johnny Rides
Little Johnny is passing his parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims “Oh, boy! Horsy ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?”
Daddy, relieved that Johnny’s not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.
Johnny cries out “Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!”