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Men’s Restroom
What is the quickest way to clear out a men’s restroom?
Say, “Nice Dick.”
Y2K Problem Solved
The Office of Institutional Computing has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Year 2000 issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: Y2K problems No technical glitches, keeping work from being done. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. Substantial hardware cost savings.
Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. What do I do?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
Pick it up and shake it
What’s the short cut for Undo?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I create a New Document window?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
Pick it up and shake it
What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
Don’t shake it.
After I’m elected. . .
One day, Chelsea Clinton asked her dad, “Do all fairy tales start with ‘Once
upon a time'”? Bill answered, “No, some start with, ‘After I’m elected. . .”
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
Sugar ‘n Spice
Sugar and spice makes everything nice.
So give me some sugar,
And don’t make me ask twice.
Wet Wet Wet..
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
Health Plan
Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around the London Memorial Hospital. As she was being given the guided tour by a senior consultant, they passed a room where you could see a man masturbating wildly through the window.
Of course the Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital.
“Ah,” said the doctor. “It is unfortunate that you had to witness that, but the poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day, his testicles will explode.”
“Oh,” said her Majesty. “Well, in that case I suppose it’s understandable that he must do that.”
A little further on down the corridor, they passed another room. The door was open and through it you could see a very pretty nurse who was clearly giving a patient oral sex.
“Goodness gracious!” shrieked Her Majesty. “I demand an explanation for this kind of sordid behavior.”
“Ah,” said the Doctor. “Same problem, but he has a better health plan.”
Hot Dog and the donut
Whay do woman do to men?
They go suck on the hotDog
Redneck Meal
Q: How many rednecks does take to eat possum?
A: Three. One to eat it and two to look out for cars.
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: Why does Hillary Clinton often wear turtle necks when attending Bill’s speaking engagements?A: So you can’t see her adam’s apple move as he speaks.
Boss wants too much
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.” And the boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?”