WHAT DO YOU DO TO A BLACK KID THATS JUMPING ON THE BED THEY STICK ON THE STILLING BECUASE OF VELCROW TO GET THEM DOWN SAY CHICKIN READY!
Author: admin
My 10 year old daughter
My 10 year old daughter keeps coming into the bedroom every night and tells me that she is scared…
Today I bought 25 shine in the dark eyes at a hobby shop and glued them to her bedroom wall after she was asleep!!!!
Stay tuned… eh?
667, Neighbor of the Devil.
667, Neighbor of the Devil.
Shoulda Quit While…
A man and woman had a son but when he was born all he was was a head. The
doctors didn’t expect him to live very long. But the boy survived, so on his
eighteenth birthday his father took him out to a bar for a drink.
The father ordered his son a scotch and when the boy drank it, out popped an
arm. He was ecstatic so he drank another shot, and out popped another arm. Now
the boy was in glee, so he drank another shot, and out popped a torso. And so on
and so forth, until there was a whole body.
The boy was so happy that he ran out of the bar and into the street and got
hit by a truck, killing him instantly. A drunkard in the corner looked at the
father and said, “He shoulda quit while he was a head!”
Light bulb
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
A: It all depends on the size of the grant.
A: Two and a professor to take credit.
A: 1/100. A graduate student needs to change 100 lightbulbs a day.
A: I don’t know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a 0,000 grant
of the taxpayer’s money, and I’m sure he can tell me how to do the work for him
so he can take the credit for answering this incredibly vital question.
Your momma is so black
YOUR MOMMA IS SO BLACK THAT SHE CAN WORK FOR THAT OREOS FACTORY!
Why Vader’s Face Is So Deformed
Emperor: Vader, why is your face so deformed and ugly?
Vader: Well, let me put it this way, master…Have you ever tried to shave
yourself with a lightsaber?
Student debt
Applying for a job, the new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be a problem.
“No,” he replied. “I paid that back right after my first case.”
“Really,” said the interviewer.
“What case was that?”
“Uh–well, my dad sued me for it and won.”
What three words will a Jewish American Princess…
What three words will a Jewish American Princess never hear?
“Attention K-mart shoppers”
New Words Needed (woo-hoo!)
10 Words That Don’t Exist, But Should:
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’ trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’ pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater (airplane).
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man guy lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.
7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
8 PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10.TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.
Cyber Relationship
CYBER BREAK UP LETTER
Dear [insert screen name here] (if that is your real name),
I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal of unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair. This termination takes effect immediately, but only because I could not make it retroactive. Below, you will find the reasons for this action:
_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part, competent, your constant use of “brb gotta pee” took some of the romance out of it.
_____ Your use of the term “the ol’ cyber ball and chain” to refer to me has hurt my feelings.
_____ I’ve found another lover, one who knows the importance of punctuation.
_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were less than honest:
� __ You typed: “I remove my bra” when you claimed to be a man.
� __ You typed: “I enter you” when you claimed to be a woman.
� __ You typed your own name at the end.
� __ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is simply page 56 of a Jackie Collins novel.
� __ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you are hiding something from me.
� __ Your refusal to cyber until I submitted a recent AIDS test suggests a degree of paranoia that is, simply put, unhealthy.
� __ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __ jpg __ police record.
� __ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders unless I wish to face stalking charges.
� __ Mommie says I need to spend less time on the computer.
� __ Your mommie called me and yelled at me because of all the time you’re spending on the computer.
� __ I have established a more personal relationship with the Lord, and I would like to talk to you in great detail about what you can do to ensure a place in Heaven when the endtimes come. They are closer than you think.
� ___ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me leaves me feeling less than special. As in cyber cheating.
� ___ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are only 14 violates the terms of my parole.
� ___ I am entering the witness protection program.
Please understand, __ [screen name] and/or __ you misbegotten son of a bitch__ sir/madam __ mom/dad [for use in West Virginia], that there is nothing personal in this. We’ve simply grown apart.
Any additional correspondence you may direct to my attorney,
__ Sincerely,
__ Gleefully,
__ I have to go before the warden calls “lights out,”
__ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs,
__ Good riddance,
[Name or alias]“Access Denied”
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an “Access Denied” message every
time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in
capital letters.
Tech Support: “OK, let’s try once more, but use lower case letters.”
Customer: “Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard.” A woman called the
Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was
“running it under Windows.” The woman then responded, “No, my desk is next to
the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is
under a window, and his is working fine.”