Knock knock
who’s there
boo
boo who?
don’t cry, it’s just a joke.
Author: admin
New Computer Viruses
Ellen Degeneres virus Your IBM suddenly claims it’s a MAC Sharon Stone virus Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it’s there. Monica Lewinsky virus Sucks all the memory out of your computer Titanic virus Makes your whole computer go down Disney virus Everything in the computer goes Goofy Mike Tyson virus Quits after one byte Prozac virus Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care Lorena Bobbit virus Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy Tim Allen virus Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact Woody Allen virus Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card Saddam Hussein virus Won’t let you into any of your programs Tonya Harding virus Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons Spice Girl virus Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop AT&T virus Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting Martha Stewart virus Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop Ronald Reagan virus Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored Sony Bono virus Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of no where Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them George Michaels virus Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup Oprah Winfrey virus Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB Joey Buttafuoco virus Only attacks minor files MCI virus Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus Arnold Schwarzenegger virus Terminates and stays resident – It’ll be back! X-files virus All your Icons start shape shifting
Knock Knock 158
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Salmon!
Salmon who?
Salmonenchanted evening!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sam!
Sam who?
Sam day you’ll recognise me!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Sam & Janet!
Sam & Janet who?
Sam & Janet evening, you will meet a stranger…!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Samuel!
Samuel who?
Sameul be famous one day!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Samuel!
Samuel who?
Samuel sure is stubborn!
A little song to the tune of Puff the Magic Dragon
Once a pure whit virgin lived by the sea,
She frolicked over pastrol fields her name Virginity.
A sweet young thing of just sixteen,
A rosebud ripe and firm.
She wandered over the verdent hills
Not knowing of the sperm.
Well, Fuck the Giant Penis lived not far away,
His cock was damn near two feet long, he poked one twice a day.
He was an Ivy leager, with vest and pinstripped shirt,
He drove a roadster XKE, that sexed up extrovert.
One day while he was roaming around the rural strips,
He spied her picking flowers there,
That bitch with swinging hips.
He jumped out of the driver’s seat and grabbed her by her ass,
He tore off all her clothing and laid her in the grass.
Her maidenhead was busted, the ground ran bloody red,
He poked her til the twilight came, than took her home to bed.
He poked her til the sun rose, she begged for more and more,
He turned that pure white Virgin into a scanky whore!
Gilb’s Laws Of Unreliability:
Gilb’s Laws Of Unreliability: 1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. 2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. 3) Udetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited. 4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
Sour dough
Yo Mamma so stanky she give sour dough bread a yeast infection.
Bush and a jigsaw puzzle
Cheney gets a call from his “boss”, Bush.
“I’ve got a problem,” says Bush.
“What’s the matter?” asks Cheney.
“Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle,
but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”
“What’s it a picture of?” asks Cheney.
“A big rooster,” replies Bush.
“All right,” sighs Cheney, “I’ll come over and have a look.”
So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. Bush points at the
jigsaw on his desk.
Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to Bush and says, “For crying out
loud, George – put the corn flakes back in the box.”
Snowballs.
Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
A. Snowballs.
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis?A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army.
You might be a Republican if…
You’ve ever referred to someone as “my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend”.
Rock Star Vs Pig
What’s the difference between a rock star and a pig?
A pig won’t stay up all night to screw a rock star.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Spider Spider
Spider, Spider,
On the wall,
You think your smart,
You know fuck all,
But that wall has just been plastered,
And now your stuck you stupid bastard.