Author: admin

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes… #1,#2,#3. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” the departing CEO said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.”

Morris, the new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press — and Wall Street — responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganize.” This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, “Prepare three envelopes.”

“This is a true story from an Amoco Christmas party in Australia last year.”

At a Christmas party in Melbourne last year the staff decided to pull a practical joke on their boss who had a habit of playing serious practical jokes on everyone else. When he went to the toilet, they went through his wallet and found his Tats Lotto Ticket.

Then, they wrote down his numbers and called over the waitress to set up a little prank. She came back half an hour later and asked if anyone wanted to know the night’s Lotto numbers, then proceeded to read them out loud before setting the numbers on the table.

The boss looked at the numbers, then casually pulled out his from his wallet and compared them. He became really silent,put his wallet back in his jacket and sat down again, and checked the numbers, very carefully.

Then, he sculled his drink, stood up on his chair and shouted out to the whole room, “I just want to let you all know something. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary for months. I don’t like any of you, and I have hated working for this company. You can all go to Hell, cause I’ve just won loads of money, and I’m leaving”

He walked out of the party and was never seen again.

A stripper, in a hurry to get home, leaves the club with nothing
on but a loose coat.

As she crosses the street, a drunk driver skids around the
corner, hits the stripper, sending her flying through the air,
to land unconscious on her back, with her pussy exposed for all
to see.

As a crowd gathers, a gentleman places his hat over the
stripper’s crotch so as to minimize her exposure.

In the meantime, the drunk driver, hardly even aware he just hit
someone, staggers over to see what all the fuss is about.
Noticing the near naked woman lying exposed on the street, he
points to the strategically placed hat and slurs in a loud
voice, “Well, the first thing we gotta do is get that guy outta
there!”

Muere Ch�vez en el golpe de estado y va al purgatorio. Dios y el diablo se pelean porque ninguno de los dos quiere recibirlo.

En vista de que ninguno cede y no hay acuerdo, recurren a mediadores; �stos deciden una propuesta de aceptaci�n obligatoria: que alterne un mes en el Cielo y otro en el Infierno.

El primer mes Ch�vez va al Cielo. Dios no sabe que hacer, se vuelve loco. Ch�vez le da la vuelta a todo, privatiza los elementos de la Oraci�n y Liturgia, disuelve el sistema de asesor�a personal de los �ngeles, subasta las nubes, le regala un kilometro cuadrado de cielo al Infierno, nombra arc�ngeles provisionales, le interviene las comunicaciones a los Santos, cambia los cilindros a las cerraduras de las puertas de san Pedro, env�a un proyecto de ley para reformar los diez mandamientos y darle amnist�a a Lucifer, tambi�n le cambio las aureolas a los �ngeles por boinas rojas y convoc� una asamblea constituyente para promulgar la nueva Biblia.

En el Cielo todo es ‘revolucionado’, la gente, dividida entre escu�lidos y santa chusma, lo odia y Dios no ve la hora en que se cumplan los 30 d�as para que se largue al Infierno. Cuando Ch�vez va al Infierno, Dios respira aliviado, pero al acercarse el d�a 20 comienza a sufrir nuevamente, pensando que en 10 d�as tiene que volver a verlo. Sin embargo, llega el primer d�a del siguiente mes y nada, el quinto d�a y nada, no aparece.

Primero Dios estaba feliz pero luego se quedo pensando:

“�Acaso se ha quedado m�s tiempo en el infierno para que luego puedan tocarle dos meses seguidos en el Para�so?”

Con solo pensarlo se desespera y decide llamar por tel�fono al Infierno para preguntarle al diablo que es lo que ocurre.

Ring… Ring… Ring… Y contesta un empleado. Dios le solicita:

“Por favor, con el demonio”.

“�Cu�l de los dos?”, contesta el empleado. “El pana colorado con cuernos o el co�o de su madre de la boina roja”.

Nota: Todo aquel que reciba la presente comunicaci�n tiene la obligaci�n, en defensa de la �tica y de la democracia, de retransmitirlo a diez amigos. De no continuar con la cadena, suceder� lo peor:

�CH�VEZ PODR� SER REELEGIDO!

What is a Japanese girl’s favorite holiday?

– Erection Day.