one day a chinese couple wanted to adopt a chinese child so they went on a plane to cina and adopted the chinese child.on there way back on the plane the plane was about to break down,and there were only 2 parachuts and the couple tooke the parachuts and left the child on the plan.when they got home the child was there and the dad said how did you get home so fast. the child replied me chinese me no dumb me hang on to dadys bum dady farts i go zoom and thats how i got home so soon.
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Small head
A guy walks into a bar and sees a man sitting at the end with the smallest head he’s ever seen. In fact, it is only about two inches high.
So, he sits down next to him and asks, “How is that you have such a small head?”
The man replies, “Well you see, I was stranded on a deserted island and was combing the beach, when I came across an ornate bottle. When I opened it to see what was inside, a beautiful genie appeared and told me that I would be granted three wishes. My first wish was for a luxurious boat to take me home.”
The man continues, “A large yacht appeared just off shore. Then for my second wish, I asked to be wealthy, so I would want for nothing when I got home.”
The man goes on, “After a large pile of gold coins appeared on the deck of the yacht, I asked to make passionate love to the genie for my third wish. The genie told me that she could not do that, so I asked, ‘How about a little head?'”
Valentine's for
A man went to the mall this last week to buy Valentines’ cards for his daughter and mother. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded him. He muttered out loud, “I wonder if they have anything for ex-wives.”The clerk behind the counter said, “Oh, yes sir, they most certainly do have an ‘ex’ category, but they’re in Sporting Goods.””Really?””Yes sir. They’re called Darts.”
Too fat
your mammas so fat,that she had to go through the car wash twice to get completely cleen!
light bulb
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One to climb the ladder, one to shake the ladder, one to sue the ladder company.
Bad sex
A wife is going through her husband’s closet one day when she finds a metal
box. Inside the box she finds 3 golf balls and $20,000. She immediately goes
downstairs and confronts him with it.
Wife: “What is this box for?”
Husband: “Well, every time we had bad sex I put a golf ball in the box.”
The wife thought this was pretty good seeing as how they had been married for
20 years.
Wife: “What is the $20,000 for?”
Husband: “Every time I got a dozen golf balls I sold them.”
Christmas tree
What do you call three girls under a Christmas tree
hoe hoe hoe
A man accused of burglary
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My
client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling
articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offence committed by his limb.”
“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s
arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” The
defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb,
laid it on the bench, and walked out.
You go to the dentist
You go to the dentist for a “Tooth Cleaning”.You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal.Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday, and you like it.
Pregunta energicamente el Juez al
Pregunta energicamente el Juez al ladr�n que acababa de hacer de las suyas en una tienda de ropa: “�Pero d�game!, �Qu� no penso en su esposa, en sus hijas?” “Pues la verdad s� pens� su Se�or�a, pero en la tienda s�lo hab�a ropa para hombre.”
Q: How many pessimists
Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None, the old one is probably screwed in too tight.
Farmers Courting
Young Dave was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Dave’s porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Dave spied his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel.
He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “Mabel, I’d sure like to be doing what that bull is doing.”
“Well then, why don’t you? “Mabel whispered back. “It is YOUR cow.”