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1. DIETA DEL PEREJIL:

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1. DIETA DEL PEREJIL: Todas las noches con el mismo Gil. (Aunque esta dieta es bastante rutinaria se rebajan de 5 a 6 Kg por mes).

2. DIETA DEL GRINGO: Meter el viernes y sacar el domingo. Es una dieta que requiere de mucha perseverancia, de lo contrario no da resultados.

3. DIETA DE LA VERDURA: S�lo es posible cuando la cosa est� dura. Es realmente indispensable que la cosa est� dura para no perder el tiempo, ya que mientras m�s r�pido, m�s efectiva. (No es posible determinar la baja de peso).

4. DIETA DE LA FRUTA: Hay que tirar y tirar hasta hacerse puta. Esta es una de las dietas de mas esfuerzo, ya que demanda mucha acci�n. (Se rebajan mas de 10 Kg mensuales).

5. DIETA DE LA BERENJENA: De vez en cuando, con pareja ajena. Es importante prevenirse del SIDA y otras enfermedades. (Se rebajan 3 Kg semanales, debido m�s que nada al nerviosismo de ser “pillado”).

6. DIETA DEL LAGARTO: Comer poco y tirar harto. Esta dieta da buenos resultados, siempre que se cumpla estrictamente. Se complementa con la DIETA DE LA IGUANA que es la misma del LAGARTO pero con m�s ganas.

7. DIETA DE GUIDO: Igual que la del lagarto pero m�s seguido. Cuidado con esta dieta, puede dar anorexia. (La baja de Kg es inmediata).

8. DIETA DE SATAN�S: Nada por delante, todo por detr�s. Esta dieta es especial para personas “alternativas”.

9. DIETA DEL MEL�N: Hay que tirar siempre con el mismo huev�n. Esta dieta es sumamente rutinaria, pero rebaja hasta 4 Kg mensuales.

10. DIETA DE LA SAND�A: Tirar sin que importe la hora ni el d�a. Se bajan hasta 8 Kg mensuales. Especial para desocupados, desempleados o jubilados.

11. DIETA DEL MARQU�S: Tirar s�lo una vez al mes. Esta dieta es ideal para engordar, demanda muy poco esfuerzo.

12. DIETA DEL CARTUCHO: Comer poco y tirar mucho. Esta es la t�pica dieta del adolescente en vacaciones.

13. DIETA DE LA PANTERA: Una pata en el manubrio y la otra en la guantera. Esta dieta debe ser comenzada con buen estado f�sico para evitar desgarros posteriores.

14. DIETA DEL PADRE HURTADO: Darle hasta que duela �Ay! �Much�simo cuidado con esta dieta!, demanda gran esfuerzo y no s�lo provoca anorexia, sino tambi�n bulimia.

15. DIETA DE LA ARDILLA: Mejor acostada que de rodillas. Ideal para personas sedentarias.

16. DIETA DE LA HORMIGA: Una tras otra. Dieta solo recomendada para atletas de alto nivel.

17. DIETA DE LA ANTONIETA: Una pata en la cama y la otra en la ampolleta. Esta dieta es ideal para personas con buena elongaci�n muscular.

18. DIETA DEL CABALLO: Solo agua y paja. Dieta especial para �pocas de recesi�n econ�mica.

19. DIETA DEL MEMBRILLO: Chuparlo hasta sacarle brillo. Dieta para personas perseverantes y detallistas. (Debido a lo arduo de la dieta se rebajan 2 Kg semanales).

Construction Workers

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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. ”Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

”You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. ”Let’s see what you got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, ”All right. Get in.” ‘

black eyes

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A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, “I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye.”

“Where did you get the other shiner?” the boss asked.

“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

If men ruled..

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If men ruled the world would be different- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to ‘I love you.’- Hallmark would make ‘Sorry, what was your name again?’ cards.- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during half-time.- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the bum would pretty much do it.- Birth control could come in ale or lager.- The funniest guy in the office would get to be the big boss.- ‘Sorry I’m late, I got hammered last night,’ would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.- It’d be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the ‘public ugliness’ ordinance.- Tanks would be far easier to rent.- Instead of beer belly, you’d get ‘beer biceps’.- Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, ‘You’re No. 1.’- Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29.- Cops would be broadcast live and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.- The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.- The only show opposite Friday Night Football would be Friday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of petrol.- Every man would get four real ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ cards per year.- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine, as in: Cop: `You know how fast you were going?’ You: ‘All I know is that I was spilling my beer all over the place.’ Cop: ‘Nice one. That’s $10 off.’

Brads Blonde Jokes 2

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1. There is a blonde that always listens to her disc man. on day
her parents made her take the headphones off. A few minuts later
she died why?………..
answer: the CD she was listening to was saying, breath in breath
out

2. there is a blonde and a red head. ther’e each on there own
side of the river. the red head askes the blonde “how do you get
to the other side”. the blonde sayes “your on the other side!”

3.what do a blonde and a beer have incommen????? There both
empty from the neck up.

4.how do you confuse a blonde?????? put her in a round room and
tell her to pee in the corner.