Author: admin

A fish hit its head on a cement wall.”Dam.”

El avi�n donde viajan dos frailes franciscanos sufre una falla y se lanzan por el paracaidas. A uno de ellos no le da tiempo de ponerse los chones y se lanza solo con su h�bito y se dirige hacia un convento de madres capuchinas; una de ellas mira al cielo y ve que algo viene cayendo al convento y se dirige a la madre superiora:

“�Madre un angelo, un angelo!”

“�Y vola!”

“�Si, duo bola madre, duo bola!”

Una ma�ana estaban el esposo y la esposa durmiendo, al rato al esposo le toc� irse a trabajar y su esposa aprovech� para entrar a su amante. Despu�s de unos minutos org�smicos, a su esposo se le olvid� que hab�a dejado el portafolio y se devolvi� por �l:

“Amor, se me olvid� el portafolios.”

Los amantes no saben que hacer:

“M�tete en el cl�set.”

Se meti� en el cl�set y no se dio cuenta de que se le quedaron las g�evas afuera y eran negras como la noche.

Entr� el esposo y al ver eso exclam�:

“Oh, mi amor, compraste equipo de sonido, d�jame probarlo.”

Y empez� a darle vueltas y vueltas.

El amante no sab�a que hacer, pero algo lo ilumin� y dijo:

“�Alerta, alerta le habla la Radio Cabuya. Una vuelta mas y esta g�eva ser� suya!”

If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back.

Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

“Ever since I ate those oysters last night, my stomach’s been giving me fits!””Were they fresh oysters?”How would I know?””Did they smell unusual when you took them out of the shell?”You mean I was supposed to take them out of the shell???”

A wealthy woman is giving a garden party, and several well-to-do guests attend. While the party ensues, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. One of the guests was watching the gardeners do their thing, and while one gardener was busy weeding the other jumped up and did graceful swirling dance movements.

Taken by his grace, the guest remarked to the host, ‘That man is such a talented dancer, that I’d pay him a hundred pounds to demonstrate his dancing before my aerobics class!’

When the host asked the first gardener about such an arrangement, he yelled, ‘Hey Fred! Do you think for a hundred pounds you could step on that rake again?’