NASA was interviewing professionals they were planning on sending to Mars. The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one way trip, the guy would never return to Earth.The interviewer asked the first applicant, an engineer, how much he wanted to be paid for going.”One million dollars,” the engineer answered. “And I want to donate it all to my alma mater — Rice University.”The next applicant was a doctor, and the interviewer asked him the same question.”Two millions dollars,” the doctor said. “I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.””Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.The lawyer replied, “You give me three million, I’ll give you one million, I’ll keep a million, and we’ll send the engineer.”
Author: admin
Boat
You might be a redneck if…
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
3 Facts About Computers
Surfing the net is nothing like surfing, not even if you stand
on your ironing board.
General rule: The larger the font, the smaller the idea.
Random stat: 98% of computer errors exist between keyboard and
chair.
Mike ‘n’ a hot dog
Q: What do Michael Jackson and a hotdog have in common?
A: White buns and a weiner!!!
Like a Bull!
A man and his wife were on a train passing through farm country. As the train slowed down they saw a bull mounting one cow after another. The wife turned to her husband and remonstrated.”Why aren’t you men capable of doing things that way?””My dear,” he answered, “we can if you let us change cows each time!”
Universal Grade Change Form
____________________University
To: Professor____________________ From: __________________I think my grade in your course, ___________________, should be
changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons:
______1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.
______2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.
______3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won’t get into:
______ Law School
______Medical School ______Graduate School
______Dental School ______My Fraternity/Sorority
______The Mickey Mouse Club ______Tri County Tech
______4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in
_______________.
______5. I’ll lose my scholarship.
______6. I’m on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn’t find a copy of your exam.
______7. I didn’t come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.
______8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.
______9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.
_____10. You are prejudiced against:
______Males ______Jews ______Blacks
______Females ______Catholics ______Whites
______Protestants ______Moslems ______Minorities
______Chicanos ______People ______Students
_____11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.
_____12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the following illness:
______mono______broken baby finger
______acute alcoholism______pregnancy
______VD______fatherhood
_____13. You told us to be creative but you didn’t tell us exactly how you wanted that done.
_____14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.
_____15. I don’t have a reason; I just want a higher grade.
_____16. The lectures were:
______too detailed to pick out important points
______not explained in sufficient detail
______too boring
______all jokes and not enough material
______all of the above
_____17. This course was:
______too early, I was not awake.
______at lunchtime, I was hungry
______too late, I was tired
_____18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.
_____19. Other_____
German
Q: How do you get a German out of the bath?
A: Turn on the water.
Old Man
Whats one sign of old age on a guy………..
When he jacks off and it come out cottage cheese.
Un par de amigos estaban
Un par de amigos estaban bebiendo en un bar, cuando uno entre sollozos le dice al otro:
“Hermano, ayer encontre a mi mujer haciendo el amor con otro hombre en mi propia casa y en mi cama.”
“No lo puedo creer, pero dime �tu que medidas tomaste?”
“�Pues que medidas voy a tomar si todo lo ten�a adentro!”
Q: How many European
Q: How many European ballet dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None, they like Danzig in the dark.
Why did the chicken cross the road?…
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its
dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly
competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship
with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical
distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry
Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills,
methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken’s
people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy
within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a
diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with
Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to
engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their
personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them
to synergize with each other in order to achievethe implicit goals of
delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an
enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry
cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park like setting
enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically
based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified
market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core
values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business
integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to
become more successful.
I hope that this will finally answer the question and end all the
controversy surrounding it once and for all.
Top 10 Christmas Phrases That Sound Dirty
10. Did you get any under the tree?
9. I think your balls are hanging too low.
8. Check out Rudolph’s honker!
7. Santa’s sack is really bulging.
6. Lift up your skirt so I can get a clean breath.
5. Did you get a piece of fruitcake?
4. I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy.
3. From here you can’t tell if they’re artificial or real.
2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
And the No. 1 Christmas phrase that sounds dirty but isn’t:
1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.