I saw an interview in which an expert on military history said that Saddam
Hussein actually has a law degree. He went on to point out that the degree was
granted under somewhat unusual circumstances: Saddam Hussein was accompanied by
two heavily armed guards into the examination room, and apparently it was felt
that there was no need to grade the exam.
Upon hearing this, my first thought was that Saddam had cheated. But the
expert quickly pointed out that the incident demonstrates that Saddam really has
an excellent understanding of Iraqi law.
Author: admin
Survey About Bill Clinton
There was a survey filled out by every woman in America, asking
whether they would sleep with Bill Clinton, and here are the
results:
3% said yes
6% said no
91% said not again
Blond gettting a haircut
A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. she stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. she instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones.
the stylist replied “no” so the blond left. she went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied “ok”.
after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, “breath in, breath out”
The Chinese name “Clang”””
How do Chinese people give their kids their names…
They roll a trash can down a hill.”Ching clang mang bang!!””
“
The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Haiku error messages
Imagine if, instead of incomprehensible unhelpful geeky text strings, your computer produced error messages in haiku:A file that big?It might be very usefulBut now it is gone.*****The Web site you seekcannot be locatedbut endless others exist.*****Chaos reigns within.Reflect, repent, and reboot.Order shall return.*****Aborted effort.Close all that you have.You ask far too much.*****First snow, then silence.This thousand dollar screen diesso beautifully.*****With searching comes lossand the presence of absence:”My novel” not found.*****The Tao that is seenis not the true Tao, untilYou bring fresh toner.*****Windows NT crashed.I am the Blue Screen of Death.No one hears your screams.*****Stay the patient course.Of little worth is your ire:The network is down.*****A crash reducesyour expensive computerto a simple stone.*****Yesterday it worked.Today it is not working.Windows is like that.*****Three things are certain:Death, taxes, and lost data.Guess which one has occurred.*****You step in the stream,but the water has moved on.This page is not here.*****Out of memory.We wish to hold the whole sky,but we never will.*****Having been erased,the document you’re seekingmust now be retyped.*****Rather than a beepor a rude error message,these words: ”File not found.”*****Serious error.All shortcuts have disappeared.Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Una ma�ana muy fr�a de
Una ma�ana muy fr�a de invierno, el presidente Clinton se levant� bien pronto y empez� a correr alrededor de la Casa Blanca mientras todo el mundo estaba todav�a durmiendo. Al pasar por la cerca exterior para dirigirse al c�sped del frente, qued� sorprendido al ver el mensaje “BILL CLINTON ES UN DESVIADO” escrito con orina sobre la nieve reci�n ca�da.
El presidente se qued� l�vido y se admir� de la audacia de esta infamia cometida ante sus narices. Llam� inmediatamente al jefe del Servicio Secreto y orden� una investigaci�n para descubrir al autor.
“No repare en gastos”, orden� el presidente. “Ponga a sus hombres a trabajar d�a y noche. Haga un examen de orina a todos los ocupantes de la Casa Blanca. Traiga graf�logos. Haga todo lo que pueda ser hecho. Pero traigame el nombre de ese insolente.”
El Servicio Secreto hizo todo lo que precisaba ser hecho. Trabajaron fren�ticamente 24 horas al d�a, investigando a todo el mundo, efectuando todo tipo de pruebas secretas. Y finalmente, tras tres d�as, ten�an la respuesta.
El jefe del Servicio Secreto encontr� al presidente en el Despacho Oval limpiando su saxof�n, y dijo que, desgraciadamente, era portador de malas noticias.
“Y entonces”, pregunt� el presidente “�tiene usted el nombre del responsable de denigrar mi imagen en la nieve de la Casa Blanca?”
“S�, lo tenemos, Sr. Presidente.”
“�Y qui�n es �l?. Quiero saberlo.”
“Bien, Sr. Presidente, despu�s de las pruebas de orina hechas a todos los ocupantes de la casa Blanca, tenemos la certeza de que pertenece a Al Gore.”
“�Oh Dios m�o!” grit� el presidente “�Al Gore hizo eso? �Al Gore, mi vicepresidente? �Al Gore, mi amigo de la infancia?. No puedo creerlo. Esta es la peor noticia que me podr�a haber dado.”
“Bien, la noticia es en realidad algo peor que eso, Sr. Presidente”, dice el jefe del Servicio Secreto.
“�C�mo? �Peor que eso? �Qu� puede ser peor que el vicepresidente escriba un insulto contra m� en la nieve con orina?”
“La letra es de Hillary.”
Good Girls – Bad Girls
Good girls say “thanks for a wonderful dinner”…
Bad girls say, “what’s for breakfast?”
Good girls never go after another girl’s man…
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.
Good girls wear white cotton panties…
Bad girls don’t wear any.
Good girls wax their floors…
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls loosen a few buttons when it’s hot…
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls make chicken for dinner…
Bad girls make reservations.
Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies…
Bad girls know they could do better.
Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss…
Bad girls never do either, unless he’s very, very rich.
Good girls believe you’re not fully dressed without a strand of pearls…
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.
Good girls love italian food…
Bad girls love italian waiters.
Yo mammas breath…
Yo mammas breath so nasty that when she burps her teeth have to duck
Safe fax
Q: Do I have to be married to have fax?
A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q: My parents say they never had fax when they were young and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedures.
Q: If I fax something to myself, will I go blind?
A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.
Q: There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A: Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a ‘professional’ when their need to fax becomes too great.
Q: Should a cover always be used before faxing?
A: Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should be used to insure safe fax.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
What Women Say/What Women Mean
What women say… …What they mean…
——————————————————————-
Can’t we just be friends? There is no way in hell I am going
to let any part of your body touch
any part of mine, again.
I just need some space …without you in it
Can you help me with my homework? If I keep whining, the fool will do
it for me.
Do I look fat in this dress? We haven’t had a fight in a while
No, pizza’s fine Cheap bastard
I just do not want a boyfriend now I just do not want (you as a) boy-
friend now
I don’t know; what do you want to I can’t believe that you have
do? nothing planned
Come here My puppy does this too
I like you but… I don’t like you
You never listen You never listen
We’re moving too quickly I am not going to sleep with you
until I find out if this guy in Bio
has a girlfriend
I’ll be ready in a minute I AM ready, but I am going to make
you wait because I know you will.
Oh, no, I will pay for myself I am just being nice; there is no
way I am going dutch
Oh Yes! Right there Well, near there; I just want to get
this over with
I’m just going out with the girls We are gonna get sloppy and make
fun of you and your freinds
There’s no one else I am doing your brother
Size doesn’t count… unless I want an orgasm
Un jud�o est� agonizando y
Un jud�o est� agonizando y le dice jadeante a su �nico hijo:
“Isaac, como estoy pr�ximo a morir, quiero que sepas que las siete casas, los tres edificios, los treinta taxis, la f�brica de telas, las dos fincas, las ocho tiendas… las joyas… los t�tulos valores… las esculturas…”
“S�, papi… �me los dejas?”
“Te los vendo baratos… baratos…”