“Oye, Manolo, �qu� d�a es hoy?”
“No lo s�. Espera, que le pregunto a mi mujer”.
“Pilarica, �qu� es hoy?”
“�T�, un impotente!”
“No, mujer, de d�a”.
“�Un gilipollas!”
Author: admin
Viagra: One More Can’t Hurt
There was a woman who didn’t think that her husband was
performing very good, so she went to the doctor’s office to get
him some Viagra to help him out.
The first night she gave one and he was pretty good. So the next
night she gave him two. This time it was a whole lot better. So,
finally the third night, she gave him three to see how it could
be.
The next day their son was on the phone talking to his friend.
He said, “Something really weird is going on around here.” His
friend replied, “What do you mean?” He answered, “My mom is
dead, my sister is pregnant, my butt is really sore, and my dad
is walking around with his pants down to his ankles saying ‘here
kitty, kitty!'”
Virginity
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says “Doc, I’m getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I’m a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me”?
After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, “Medically, no, but here’s something you can try…on the wedding night, when you’re getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it’s your virginity snapping.”
The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress, her hubby “slips it in”, she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, “what the *@#% was that? The wife explains, “oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping”.
The husband cries out, “Well snap it again, it’s got my balls!!!!”
3 holes
This man was walking to his house and saw a tornado and it was coming towards him and then it knocked down his house so he ran and ran and ran then he saw a farm house it looked pretty safe so he ran to it and asked the guy if he could stay there for the night and told him why not then the farmer showed him where he would be staying and said there just one rule he said dont stick your dick through thoes three holes so he said ok but he was curious that night so he stuck his dick though the first hole and said ooo this feels weird then stuck hus dick though the second hole and said ooo oohh this feels so good yes, but he still wanted to feel what was in the third hole so he stuck his dick in it and said aaahhhhhhhh fuckin bitchass mother fukin pice of shit aaaahhhhhh!!so he woke up the next morning to see the farmer hovering over him he said you stuck your dick through the three holes didn’t ya he said yes and so the farmer said i might as well tell ya what was in the three holes the fist one was my cows ass the second one was my wifes pussy and the third one was my meat grinder!!
Duck walks into bar
A duck goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “You got any fish?” The bartender says, “No. This is a bar and we don’t sell fish” so the duck leaves.Next day, the duck goes back to the bar and asks, “You got any fish?” The bartender says,”I told you yeaterday. This is a bar and we don’t sell fish.”Ther following day, the duck returns and asks,”You got any fish?” The bartender looses it, grabs the duck bu the neck, and screams,”I TOLD YOU TWICE. THIS IS A BAR. WE DON”T SELL FISH IF YOU ASK AGAIN, I’M GONNS NAIL YOUR *@#& WEBBED FEET TO THE FLOOR!”The next day, the duck goes in the bar and asks, “Got any nails?” The bartender sighs and says, “No, we don”t have any nails.” The duck says,”Good. Got any fish?”
Top 5 Reasons Why Computers are Female…
Top 5 Reasons Why Computers are Female
- Nobody but their creator understands their logic.
- Even the smallest mistakes are commited to memory for future reference.
- The native language used to communicate with
other computers is incomprehensible to everyone
else. - The message “Bad command or filename” is about
as informative as “if you don’t know why I am
mad at you, then I certainly won’t tell you.” - As soon as you make a commitment to one, you
find yourself spending half your paycheck
on accessories for it/her.
Brave Old Firemen
One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical
plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire
Departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the
chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, “All of our
secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved!
I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!” As soon
as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on
the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company
offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company’s secret
files.
From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into
sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65.
To everyone’s amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant
gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the
other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to
fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before. After an hour of
intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the
secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would
double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the
volunteers.
After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group
what they intended to do with the money. The fire truck driver looked him right
in the eye and said – “The first thing we’re going to do is fix the blasted
brakes on that truck!”
10 more years
Funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. at the end
of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they
accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. they hear a faint moan! they
open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! she lives for ten
more years, and then dies. once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it,
the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. as they carry the casket
towards the door, the husband cries out: “watch that f****** wall!”
Panic
Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! Little Tommy’s swallowed the can-opener!
Doctor: Don’t panic. He’ll be alright.
Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the friggin beans, the toast’s getting cold!
Opening beer
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Momma
Your mommas so fat people run around her for exercise
Your mommas so fat she has her own area code
Your mommas so fat when her phone rings people think shes reversing
Your mommas so slutty I bet you wonder who your daddy is
It’s World War II and everyone is dug in to…
It’s World War II and everyone is dug in to a foxhole. The private goes up
to his Sargeant and tells him he has to take a shit really bad. The Sarge
tells him that they will be here for a long time and not to do it because
of the smell.
The private asks what should he do, and the Sarge says go to that foxhole
over there and we will all cover you.
The private dives in just as bullets wiz over
his head. Two days later the sarge wonders where the private has gone. All
of a sudden he appears with a smile on his face. He tells the sargeant of
his adventures in the other foxhole. “I met the most incredible girl in the
other foxhole. We had sex in Every position know to man …missionary…
doggie style…etc.”
The sargent asked “Did she give you head?”.
And the private said, “Head…. no she didn’t have a head.”