Q: What is Bill’s definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Author: admin
Procrastinate now!…
Procrastinate now!
It�s OK Daddy, I’m not hurt.”
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A:� It�s OK Daddy, I’m not hurt.”
Today is the last day
Today is the last day of your life so far.
MY KIND DA JOKE
What dose a chainsaw and the KKK have in common.
They both go run niga niga,run.
Getting Down Under
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually.
After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. And after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
“What happened?” she asks.
“I’ve never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo I’m gonna need all the room I can get!”
Dead Politicians
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field.
After seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, “Were they ALL dead?”
The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”
first love then drama
Kissing is a habit
Fucking is a game
Guys get all the pleasure
Girls get da pain
The boy says that he loves you
And you belive its true
But when your tummy starts to swell
He says the hell with you
10 minutes of pleasure
9 monthes of pain
3 days in the hospital
a baby without a name
the dad is a bastared
the mother is a whor*
this never would have happend
if the rubber never hadn`t tore!!
Piano joke
Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?A: A sharp major.
The plumber has arrived
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o’clock. Ten o’clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, one o’clock; no plumber.She concluded he wasn’t coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.He knocked on the door; the lady’s parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said, “Who is it?”He replied, “It’s the plumber.”He thought it was the lady who’d said, “Who is it?” and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didn’t happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”He said, “It’s the plumber!”He waited, and again the lady didn’t come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, “Who is it?”He said, “It’s the plumber!!!!!!!!”Again he waited; again she didn’t come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, “Who is it?”; “Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!” he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, “A dead body!” she exclaimed, “Who is it?!”The parrot said, “It’s the plumber.”
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
So the eye doctor says
So the eye doctor says to the Asian woman: “I’m sorry ma’mm,
you have a cataract”
And she replies, “No I don’t! I have a Rincoln Continentol!”
Locked Up
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain”.
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But, officer, I just wanted to say”…
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom!”