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Only For a Chocolate Biscuit

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There was a man who was heading away for a week on business. His
wife was incredibly horny and needed a good fuck every now and
again so she was left with a warning from her husband before he
left. He said, “If I find out that you have been shagging
another man while I’m gone then I will pull every pubic hair
from your crotch!”

He was dead serious but his wife thought she could occupy
herself for just one week using her fingers and the handle of
her tennis racquet (which she did a lot when her husband was
gone).

However she failed and one day before her husband was set to
return she was gagging for more than she could get from her
fingers and the tennis racquet! So she headed into town in the
hope of finding a large well-bodied fuckable man to satisfy her
lust. While walking down the High Street she found a very hunky
and sexy black man that she wouldn’t mind screwing and so she
walked up to him and said-“Will you come home with?” and the
black man replied, “Only for a chocolate biscuit.” She gave him
a biscuit and they headed towards her house.

So they got home and the woman said, “Will you come inside and
upstairs?”

“Only for a chocolate biscuit” So she gave him another biscuit.

So they got upstairs and into the woman’s bedroom. “Will you
take off your clothes and lie with me on the bed?”

“Only for a chocolate biscuit” So she gave him yet another
biscuit!!

“Will you fuck me until I hit orgasm at least three times!”

“Only for a chocolate biscuit” So she gave him a biscuit leaving
only one left in the box and they got to business.

He was drilling into her-fucking her harder and faster until she
was dripping wet-screwing her pussy and hitting her G-spot with
every hard core thrust. She was at her orgasmic peak and when it
was over they were both swollen and sore and so exhausted that
they fell asleep together in the bed.

The next mourning the husband arrived home from his trip and
headed upstairs to great his wife with a homecoming ride. She
heard him coming upstairs and immediately told the black to get
into the cupboard and hide. “Only for a chocolate biscuit” he
said and so she gave him the last chocolate biscuit and shoved
him into the cupboard just before her husband walked in.

He walked towards the bed and began to take off his clothes when
he stopped and spotted the white spunk stains on the lilac
sheets.

“You’ve been in bed with another man and don’t lie to me!!!!!!!”

His wife didn’t say a word and like he had warned he opened her
legs and began to pluck all her pubic hairs from her crotch one
by one. By the time he reached the last one he couldn’t get it
to come out and so he shouted, “Come out you black bastard!!!”

And the guy in the cupboard shouted “Only for a chocolate
biscuit!!!!!!”

The Top 12 Pickup Lines Used at the Masturbate-a-Thon

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12> “Doesn’t it seem strange to be doing this? I mean, without a keyboard in front of you?”

11> “So, I hear you’re looking for a colossal jerk.”

10> “Excuse me — I could use a hand over here.”

9> “Doubles, anyone?”

8> “So what time do you get off?”

7> “This reminds me of Hands Across America. Only slimier.”

6> “Are you finished with that?”

5> “Good choice! The SuperSchlong 6000 was a Consumer Reports Best Buy.”

4> “This is just a microcosm of life… oh, sorry about that — I’m waxing philosophical.”

3> “Hello, handsome! I will be your father figure….”

2> “Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

1> “Can you help me out? I’m blind — and extremely confused right now.”

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

The Miniskirt

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One day, a blonde decided to wear her new miniskirt to work. She
takes the bus to work, but on this day, she couldn’t get on the
bus, because her skirt was too tight.

Finally, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little bit.
She tried and tried again to get on the bus, but couldn’t. She
reached back and unzipped it a little more. She tried as hard as
she could, but still couldn’t get on. She reached back and
unzipped her skirt as far as it could go, but she still was not
able to step onto the bus.

Finally, a man behind her picked her up and put her on the first
step of the bus. The blonde was very mad. She turned around
quickly and asked him, “What gives you the right to touch me?”
The man replied, “Well, lady, since you’re the one reaching back
and unzipping my fly, I should say that gives me a great reason!”

One View…..

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New York 2032…. A man and his son are walking through a highly built-up area
of Manhattan when they came across an empty space and the father stops to
reflect for a while. “Imagine son,” the father says “exactly 31 years ago the
great twin towers stood proudly in this area”. Intrigued by the comment the son
then asks “what were the twin towers dad?” To which the father replies “they
were two of the largest buildings in the world and they housed many thousands of
offices…. but in 2001 they were destroyed by Talibans”. The son pauses for a
while and then asks “Dad… what were Talibans?”

POWs

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There were these three prisoners in a German POW camp, and they were Australian, American, and Irish. The commandant was a real mean prick and he was going to shoot his three captives unless their combined dick length was in excess of 20 inches.

So the three POWs have their cocks measured and it turned out their combined dick length was 20 inches exactly, so they were spared.

Later on the three were talking, and the Australian said “Well if it wasn’t for my 10 inch dick we’d all be dead.”

The American says “Na, if it wasn’t for my 8 inch dick then we’d all be dead.”

Then the Irishman says “If I didn’t have a hard on, we’d all be dead.”

Eurolanguage Year 2000

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The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish [Euro for
short].

In the first year, ‘s’ will be used instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly,
sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard ‘c’ will be
replased with ‘k’. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome ‘ph’ will be replased by ‘f’. This will make words like
‘fotograf’ 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which ahve always
ben a deternent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of silent ‘e’ in the languaj is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the forth uer, peopl wil be receptiv to steps such as replasing the
‘th’ by ‘z’ and the ‘w’ by ‘v’. During the fifz uer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan
be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’, and similar changes nud of kors be
splid to ozeer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli senisbl riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor tubls or difikultis and avrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

Competition of a nation

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The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They’d have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. “When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. “When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund’s neck, the Dachshund leaned up and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves.” “That’s nothing”, an American replied. “We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years trying to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'”