The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, “I’ve found a woman just like mother!” His father replied, “So what do you want from me, sympathy?”
The high divorce rates in America indicate that the U.S. is still the Land of the Free, but your marriage demonstrates that we also remain the Home of the Brave!
The man says: With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly good I thee endow. (Book of Common Prayer)
The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.
If you are the best man at a wedding there is always my favorite toast:
The screwing you’ll get is going to be worth the screwing you’ll get.
I didn’t have the guts to use it at the wedding but it got a lot of laughs at the bachelor party.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don’t mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.
The three stages of sex in marriage: tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly.
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
The wedding night should be like a good chicken meal, a little bit of breast, a little bit of leg…and a lot of stuffing!!!
The woman cries before wedding; the man afterward.
Their marriage is a wonderful partnership. He’s the silent one.
There is something magical about the fact that success almost always comes faster to the guy your wife almost married.
They were married on the cricket field, that night they were quite wicket, the bride said with a happy smile, I’m sure this can’t be cricket.
Think how much fun you could have with the doctor’s wife and a bucket of apples.
This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.
To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother. I want to marry one who makes dough like her father.
To the bride: To be happy in your marriage, you should approach each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your period.
Treat him like a flower…grab him by the stalk.
Treat the bride like a new car, go easy for the first
500.
Two passing ships making matrimonial knots while fouled in each others stern line, recommended inter between course 69 Stop. Happy voyage, bottoms up.
We are curious to know why you both wanted to borrow the black leather boots and bullwhip?
Weeping bride, laughing wife; laughing bride, weeping wife.
When the best man is reading the telegrams: From your friends on the H.M.C.S. Harmen, “At ten o clock, please report position and depth.”
When god made man he made em out of string, He had a little left over so he left a little thing, When god made women he made em out of lace, He didn’t have enough so he left a little space, Here’s to space!
Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.
Your TV viewing on your wedding night will be… Firstly, The Marriage Game, Followed by, Great Temptation, The Untouchables, Mission Impossible, The Time is Right, Rawhide and Bonanza.
The rising sun may kiss the grass, The clock may kiss the hours that pass The flowing wine may kiss the glass, And you my friends… Drink Hearty!
When a woman gets to the “better or worse” part of the wedding ceremony, she’s already experienced the better part.
Propose this toast: John, you are a lucky groom; you’ve got Mary. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, warm, and loving. Mary, you’ve got….John.
To Space When God made Man, He made him out of string. He had a little left over, So, he made a little thing.
When God made Woman, He made her out of lace. He didn’t have enough, So, he left a little space. To Space.
Sayings To Write With Shaving Cream On The Newlywed Car To Bed or Bust She got him today – He’ll get her tonight Just living together