Author: admin

Estados Unidos y Colombia quer�an

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Estados Unidos y Colombia quer�an demostrar cu�l de los dos pa�ses era m�s fuerte y decidieron hacer una pelea entre perros para averiguarlo.

Estados Unidos lleva un perro Rottwailer muy musculoso y Colombia se presenta a la competencia con un perro Salchicha.

Cuando comienza la pelea, el Rottwailer es r�pidamente derrotado por el Salchicha colombiano. Entonces uno de los gringos exclama:

“Oh no, no puedo creer esto �Con toda la plata que le metimos a este perro en el entrenamiento y todo?”

Y el colombiano le contesta:

“�Y usted cu�nta plata cree que le metimos en cirug�as pl�sticas a ese cocodrilo?”

Windows 2000 Errors!

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The following are new Error Messages are planned for Windows 2000:

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: “You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?”
10) This is a message from God: “Rebooting the universe, please log off.”
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
1 Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER.
20) User Error: Replace user.
21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)”
22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic.

Wooden Airfield

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An enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has
been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots. The German
“airfield,” constructed with meticulous care, was made almost
entirely of wood. There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun
emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.

The Germans took so long in building their wooden decoy that Allied
photo experts had more than enough time to observe and report it.

The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last
wooden plank. Early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed
the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a
large wooden bomb.

Works outing

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This guy was staggering along the road, much the worse for the drink, throwing empty beer cans into the street and falling into peoples gardens.

His singing gained the attention of a passing policeman who decided to question him.

“What do you think you’re doing there?” the policeman asked.

“I’m on my works outing” came the slurred reply.

“Then” the policeman queried, “where are all the others?”

“Ah” the man grinned, “You see officer, I’m self employed!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Editted by Curtis

In the courtroom…

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A man is in court. The Judges says,”on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?”

“Guilty”, said the man in the dock.

At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted “You dirty rat!” The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.

The Judge continued “….. and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead”?

“Guilty”, said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, “You dirty rotten stinking rat”!!

At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, “I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?”

He replied “He is my next door neighbor”.
The Judge replied, “I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments”.

The man replied “NO, your Honor, you don’t understand.
Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn’t have one”!!!

Pop quiz before an election…

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It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A.

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with an astrologist. He’s had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C.

He is a decorated war hero. He’s a vegetarian, doesn’t smoke, only drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first … no peeking, then scroll down for the response.

(Scroll down)

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.