How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Author: admin
Contraception and lawyers
Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
May I borrow your dog for a few days?
It’s for my mother-in-law,” explained the mourner at the funeral procession. Tightening the leash, he gestured down at the dog and said, “My Doberman here killed her.””Gee…That’s terrible,” commiserated the spectator. “But… Hmmmm… Is there anyway you might lend me your dog for a day or so?”The bereaved son-in-law pointed his thumb over his shoulder and answered, “Get in line.”
Q: How many Chinamen
Q: How many Chinamen does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Thousands, because Confucious say many hands make light work.
Good start
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
A woman, three months pregnant was walking…
A woman, three months pregnant was walking by a bank when two robbers
emerged from the bank. The security guards and robbers exchanged gunfire
and the young woman was struck in the abdomen. At the hospital the doctors
concerned for the unborn children decided not to do surgery to remove the
bullets. 6
months later the woman gave birth to triplets. Two girls and a boy all
unharmed by
the bullets. Years went by without incident when one day near the childrens 16
birthday one of the girls when to her mother in tears. The mother asked what
the
problem was and she described that while going to the bathroom a bullet came
out of
her. The mother calmed her down and told her the story of the day she was
shot.
Shortly after that the second daughter emerged from the restroom and in
similar
circumstances started the story about the bullet. The mother stopped her and
again explained the story to the second daughter. Suddenly the young boy
crashed
through the door screaming “MOM…MOM!!!”
The mother stopped him and said
“I know you were peeing and a bullet came out.” The boy hastily said “No I was
out
back jerking off and shot the dog!”
Tightrope & BJ
What does walking a tightrope across the Grand Canyon and having an 80 year old woman give you a blow job have in common?
You just have to remember one thing — Don’t look down!!
Q: How many first
Q: How many first year civil engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. That’s a second year subject.
Why Girls Rule!…
Why Girls Rule!
Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree
Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard on
Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass
I always save money by using coupons
Can admit to others when I am wrong
Don’t drive in circles at any cost
So I don’t have to admit when I am lost
Don’t act like I’m in a timed marathon
Every time I go to the john
Let me tell you men
Listen up boys
Those things in your pants
That you treat as toys
You love them more than we ever will
We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill
I spend two hours preparing for a date
Only to find you’re two hours late
I don’t watch movies with lots of gore
Don’t need instant replay to remember the score
I won’t loose my hair
I don’t get jock itch
And just cause I’m sensitive
Don’t call me a bitch
I dont’ wear the same underwear everyday
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
I don’t go to Sears
To look at the tools
I don’t cheat at poker
I follow the rules
I don’t read magazines about cars
Don’t pay for drinks at bars
I don’t punch my friends just to say “Hi”
And it’s o.k. for me to cry
I know all you men
Think you’re “IT”
But compared to a woman
You just ain’t SHIT!
Winning Raffles
One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she’s wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, “Where did you get that necklace?”She replies, “I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper.”The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, “Where did you get the bracelet?”She replies, “I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper.”The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, “I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?”She replies, “Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper.”Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, “HEY! There’s only an inch of water in the tub!”He replies, “I didn’t want you to get your raffle ticket wet!”
In the USA
In the USA, everything that is not prohibited by law is permitted.
In Germany, everything that is not permitted by law is prohibited.
In Russia, everything is prohibited, even if permitted by law.
In France, everything is permitted, even if prohibited by law.
In Switzerland, everything that is not prohibited by law is obligatory.
Q: How many holocaust
Q: How many holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None, they just deny the bulb ever went out in the first place.